Sitting here doing my job....

I am sitting here listening to the show I work on at WFMU. What a job eh? I look around me and sometimes get overwhelmed with the buttons. Please don't let me hit the wrong button. Don't let me screw up the show.... Please don't curse.... i am not prepared to deal with the FCC.... Please let there not be any Emergency Broadcasts for bad weather.... Hell i am just nervous enough to announce the final bit letting the listeners know what they are listening to and to stayed tuned for the next show. Oh please don't let me screw up the beginning of the next show... let me push that correct button.

I am coming in on off days and making my own demo to get used to the board and feel comfortable in front of the microphone. I even let them know i did make something. I didn't listen to it myself... so who knows how fucked up it sounds. Please don't be a total mess. The first time I played with it, the volumes were all over the place. This time i used both CD's and vinyl, so who knows. That one damn album... i can't tell when the hell the song ends since it flows directly into the next song... Did i ramble? did i sound stupid? did i speak loud enough? Noone said anything today about it, so I don't think anyone listened. Was it that bad?

I must be doing something a bit right. I have been asked to run the board for another DJ who is doing a remote broadcast from the Knitting Factory this Friday. I was also asked from the guy who does his show after mine if I wanted to do production. And noone is questioning my edits of the show i work on. I edit it at home and upload it to the system here. They just assume I am doing it right. So I don't have someone looking over my shoulder, which is a strange feeling. I am very not used to someone not looking over my shoulder or assuming i am fucking up. The sad thing is i kinda wish they did... cause i kinda feel like i am. As my fellow CF'er's say- I will do better, I will try harder... just like me!

I know a lot of this will disappear with time. I know that once i put more time in front of the board and microphone, I will be comfortable and my stupid self. I know since i do this on a podcast, I should feel okay, but remember, I am not broadcasting live. I have re-recorded my vocal track many times. I can fix my mistakes... and i have made them as you have seen. I guess it is just a bigger fish tank and I want to be able to swim and not be eaten. The one great thing is everyone i have encountered here are really nice. They have answered all my lame questions and not rolled their eyes directly at me. I have felt better in that sense. I guess we all are a bit scared jumping into something new and having it be something you really love and don't want to fuck up. It just takes time. That must be my mantra... just takes time....