Growing Up

I think i am growing up a little. yes it has taken this long to get to that point, but hey it's baby steps like they said in the movie What about Bob? Yesterday i was mad. I was beyond mad, i was fuming. My boss had sent me an email that was all cheerleader like saying that was a response to a possible job inquiry that a client had sent to me. I hadn't even spoken with the client yet or sent out a contract. We had done the event for them last year and they wanted to out do the design from last and make it better. That is not a problem. Nor is the fact that my boss is excited that we are getting job inquiries in August, which is always dead for us. But what pissed me off was that i get these emails all the time. Each time i get one it chips away at my morale and makes me realize the trust is being chipped away as well. If you have to say to me each time- Let's make something good for this....my only reaction is finally going to be- Come on. No, I was planning on making the worst sculpture for them. I responded to his email with that and also saying that he should have some more faith in me since i have been working there over 3 years and haven't let him down yet. I then get this "official" type of email back from my response. You know, the kind that went from personal to "I am your boss" email. Not only was it that kind of email, but what it said pissed me off even more.

Please know that I very much appreciate all your initiatives & suggestions for all aspects of the studio & they linger in me for long time as I value your input.
My main motive here is to communicate my thoughts for the coming projects that I am made aware of. Designing ice is a challenge to all & reminding each other, suggesting new/revived ideas, and/or sharing thoughts/feelings about the job is a must within what we do. This is not about having faith or challenging pride: what I care is to provide the best proposal possible. We can certainly talk further on this issue. Please respect the fundamental attitude at the studio & refrain/minimize sarcasm which at times is counter-productive.

There were way too many slashes in there too. I was livid. I wanted to just write back- fine, fuck you I quit. See how well you do without me. i am your only sales person that knows what they are doing. We got arch nemesis, but he's worthless and my boss is never there. So who else is going to do my job? I am the only one that does graphics there too. So have fun with that! I just responded with yes i want to talk and let me know when you are available.

so between a bunch of emails back and forth, we made a plan to talk today. I had time to cool down but also time to get out all my frustration as well. i sat down and talked to him and told him exactly how i felt. I told him my feelings and that this is not something he can really say- no you are wrong. I told him that when he does this, this makes me feel this way. That each time he does it, morale is going down and when i received that other email, i was extremely pissed and i wanted to say- that's it, i'm done. I said that. I actually said i'm done to him. I don't think he was expecting to hear that from me.

The important thing is i was calm. i didn't let my emotions take hold. i wasn't sad or angry. i was neutral. He actually listened to me. He agreed and apologized. He heard what i had to say. it was nice. i actually walked out of there relieved. So instead of being hot headed like i usually am, and getting all bent out of shape, i acted like an adult and it worked. I was a big girl and i am rather proud of myself for that.