Co-op for Artists, Follow up to the Weeks and Progress

Well the past few weeks at work have been shaky as you all have read. It has been tough and I am feeling like I need more than just a mental health day, but a mental health month. On Thursday, I was talking to my coworker, who has been dealing with the same crap I have been. He was worried about me and wanted to make sure I was okay. He joggled something in me, and said- Hey, if our boss can have a company and not go under... and hell I am the one practically running it, then I should be able to do something on my own. He had told me how a group of writers had gotten together to make something work, why couldn't a bunch of artists?

So I left him thinking about this and having my mind reel in what I would be able to do. I then thought of my art situation lately for this recent project, where I have to beg local businesses to let me use their welders and tools. It has been frustrating and it would be so nice to have something around me where I could just go in and do some work and use tools.... I want to create an artist co-op. I want a place where local artists can come in and use a shop and create their work. I could have classes, teaching people how to weld, use the tools, make molds, cast waxes... have work ready for an art foundry. I can also do it for you too, as I have experience in that. Hell, I can even contact an art foundry to have something cast, since i do still have connections with one. This is what I would be good at. This is what i would ENJOY doing. And hell... I COULD USE IT!

So my mind is working and thinking and planning and needing to pick brains on how to start a business. What do i need? how do I do it? Do people WANT this? So I had a nice weekend, unwinding and thinking. Thinking of an out from where I am now. Well, I came in to work on Monday to find out that I messed up on a job. I had posted that the client only wanted one sculpture, when there was supposed to be two. They caught the mistake and all was good, which is a relief. This has happened before, as I am human and mistakes do happen, but it doesn't happen that often. Maybe like 3 or at MOST 4 times in my 3+ years working there. So my boss starts in on me saying- well this isn't the first time, and what are we going to do to resolve this? You don't look at the board at what is posted (lie) and you aren't double checking all your stuff (lie). I said, I am sorry, it was obviously a mistake, as i am human and not a robot. I will try harder next time to make sure this doesn't happen. Well, no that didn't fly. What are we going to do to make sure it doesn't happen again? I suggested having someone else double check my work, since I am overseeing the error. No, bad answer again. He doesn't want to have more people doing these extra jobs. What are we going to do if it happens again? I am fed up, crying and frustrated, just say- I don't know.... fire me. If I am doing such a shitty job, fire me. He then starts to back pedal...oh no... you are an important part of the team... you mean a lot to the company.... you are needed.... BULLSHIT. Oh, afraid? Interesting how all of a sudden I am respected. I then respond to this- well, it just doesn't always feel that way. I also threw in there at some point- Have you thought that we are all being overworked and need a break?

Well i spent all of yesterday on the verge of tears. I was holding back all the things i wanted to yell at him. He had made statements about my other projects I am working on, insinuating that these were maybe occupying my mind and not allowing me to work. I said, ummm no... I am allowed to have a life outside of work. He then said, yeah well you been working on your sculpture and all.... Yeah, i have been working on my sculpture- ON MY BREAKS! Unlike him where he has one of the guys working on his own project during company time. FUCK YOU. And I leave early from work ONE day a week to go to the radio station. It's not like I do it all week long. And he approved it too! He's been the one that is preoccupied. His mind has been on what HE can get from jobs. I was fighting back rage and trying as hard as I could to not say anything.

So I suffered through work. It drained me. I ran over to the auto shop around the corner, during my lunch, to ask them if it would be okay if I could come by after work to use their welder and stuff. Joe, one of the owners, said sure! So I knew I had an opportunity to go do something for me. That was the only thing that kept me at work. I left work with all my metal and got ready to do some work. I was at the auto shop from 5pm to 11pm. I got to cut and weld and do all the major work that I have been freaking about. I made progress. And the best part was that they let me do everything on my own. They gave me free reign of their stuff. They helped me hold things in place, but I welded, I ground the metal, i cut the metal. It was all me. They were even impressed with my welding, which is kind of funny since it was MIG and that is not my best one. I left there at 11 pm, tired and relieved. I was proud of myself for getting that work done. I was proud that I changed that day around. I made it about me... not my boss. So a little progress... but please let me get a new job soon! Oh, and i am leaving you with a sneak peek of what i am working on...