The Stagnant Artist

The Trials and Tribulations of Job Interviews

2010-02-15T09:32:00.002-05:00

So this past Monday I had an interview. It went great. From what I could tell, they really were interested in me and what I had to offer them. I was equally excited cause it was just really nice to feel wanted and it was doing something I have been wanting to do. They asked me to come in on Friday for a second interview/trial. I thought, hey that is good. They had already asked me how much I was looking for and how many hours. It seemed promising.

Friday rolls around and I was was nervous. Something in my gut was just not sure about all this. I chalked it up as being the fact that I have been unemployed for about 9 months now and interviews were too far and few between. I show up on time thinking, well so far so good. I grabbed a nice cup of coffee and headed over to the place. I get there and I am early, as in noone is there yet. I look at the time and notice I am about 6 minutes early. It's winter and cold, so it's not like i want to hang out outside. I figure I will just wait patiently. My last job noone ever showed up on time! About 15 minutes later, the girl that is in charge of the office show up and was surprised noone was there yet. Then the boss showed up about a couple minutes later as we were waiting for the elevator. The office girl reminds the boss that I am there for working and the boss looked all surprised. At that point I am thinking, oh this isn't good. You don't remember me or the fact that I am supposed to be there! Finally things get worked out and I start to work.

I am in the room working with the guy that is in charge of that room. So I am sitting there and working by myself, listening to some WNYC. All is good. I think back to when I was working in that same sort of setting and how I enjoyed that. The guy that was in charge of the room kept leaving to go pick up stuff from outside, which I thought was kind of strange, but I was content on my working and didn't have any questions. What I did think was odd was the fact that he wasn't checking how I was doing. I would think that if I was doing a test run, they would want to make sure what I was doing was correct! But since I was rather content sitting there working, it was fine.

The room had no clock, but I am guessing it was around noon when some other guy showed up in the room. I wasn't sure if he worked there as well, but then he was handed an identical project as the one I had to work on. I then realized, wait a second- he's here applying for this job as well.... So then it was just me and this other guy working in the room. Neither of us talking and working, I wasn't exactly sure what was happening. All I knew at that point was that I was starving and was just wanting someone to come over and tell me when I should either leave or go to lunch. Finally the guy running the room comes back from one of his many disappearances and tells me that I can take lunch whenever. I go grab my coat and notice that the time is 2:45. No wonder I am starving!

I come back from my half hour lunch and about 15 minutes later, a third guy comes in the room. At this point I know he is also applying for the same job. He is very new at this and has a lot of questions. The guy in charge of the room tells the new guy to ask me and the other new guy if he has any questions. I helped the third guy out. I leave the room at one point to go get some water and notice that everyone has left but us. I walk back in the room and the guy in charge of the room says- I am leaving in a half hour, so you can go whenever you want. I must have given him a look of confusion since I was being told I can go home, finally, and still have no clue if I have a job or not!

I overheard him talking to the second guy about the job and saying something about me doing 2 different jobs. The poor third guy was even more confused and realized that we were all in there for the same thing. I laughed and said to him- yeah, we are all in the same boat. I left there not knowing anything and told to come back in on Monday and if there were any changes, he'd send me an email this weekend.

So here I am Monday, after a weekend of being a bit annoyed and determined to go in today to not work until I got some information. I was not going to work another entire day and not be payed. I needed answers. So I am getting ready to go to "work" and I look down at my phone, which I usually do rather religiously anyways, and notice an email. I look at it and it says something like this- "It was a pleasure working with you last week. Give the studio a call to reschedule a time to come in and see what my other capabilities are." This was in reference to the other position at the place that they are interested in having me do as well. The whole thing is odd.

The whole thing makes me weary. I don't know what they are thinking and they are not communicating it with me. I had had these horrible communications in past jobs and that has driven me insane. I don't like that kind of work environment. I have been in trouble for things because they weren't communicated to me, and I do not enjoy being put in that situation. My gut is just saying don't do it. My brain is saying- You haven't worked in 9 months. I don't know which to listen to.

Ahh the random things I find

2010-02-09T15:53:00.000-05:00

An Interview?!

2010-01-27T12:29:00.005-05:00

Wow, I have an interview! It's not until February, but hell, it's finally an interview! Now I have a reason to get a real haircut and my hair dyed! Not that this job would require me looking particularly "good", since it is for sculpture chasing. The funny thing is that the artist this is for had a studio where I live, about 5 blocks away. I even had a show in her extra space back in the day as well. I have applied to her before, but I wonder if she had ever seen my resume. I think the assistants filter them first and don't really know what they are looking at. I wouldn't put it past that. Especially since I have the EXACT experience she is needing.

It was funny since i did send the email response to the job ad around midnight. I get an email back from her the next day, from her phone, saying that I seem very qualified for the job. So we shall see. If it works out, it works out. I also have some work at the radio station lined up in February as well, so I could be extremely busy soon. It will just be really nice to have some real money coming in, instead of the unemployment. That and also to feel needed and wanted.

That is one thing that I have found really depressing about being unemployed. I just hate that feeling of looking through the help wanted and seeing the word INTERN. I am about to be 36 years old, I have skills that I have learned over the years and a talent. I am not giving you this for free. fuck you. It's an insult. And because the economy is such crap, employers are taking advantage of this. I also have questioned my skills and talent when looking at the help wanted as well. I think I am not qualified for jobs that I totally know I could do. It's the knowledge that there are hundreds and hundreds of people all sending in resumes who are most likely more qualified, so I don't even bother putting myself out there.

I must say, I still don't hate this time to myself. I never thought I would be able to handle myself if I wasn't working and I have proven myself wrong. I have been extremely busy and productive. I am proud of myself for the work that I have done for ME. That is something that I would never have been able to do if I had a job. And who knows, maybe all this work on myself will lead me to something down the road. Who knows.

Not that anyone cares.... or is reading...

2010-01-26T12:59:00.005-05:00

Well, the 13 yr old birthday party was great. Granted the music was not so much, but I now have gotten past that scare of doing live dj-ing. That was probably my most worrisome part. I didn't know how I was about to do it and not sure what it would be like. Now I feel comfortable doing it, but granted, it wasn't a room of my peers. I feel like it would have been very different if it was people my age and the music that I wanted to play instead. So that will be my next hurdle, right?

Trying to also finish up my marathon premium as well. I had been planning this for months and I can't believe that it is practically here! I am nervous about this as well. The marathon kind of lets you know how you are doing as a show. If I can get a good following for the marathon, then I might be seen as a better time slot in the future. I know it is said that it doesn't matter how much you make during your marathon slot, but let's be real. I know that people look at the numbers. So I am definitely nervous about it.

As for art, still busy creating, but the more I do, the more I realize that I need real tools and real space. My neighbor downstairs thinks she may know a friend that has a garage that needs a little work. If it is the right price, I just might have to take it. I really need some space. I am tired of my husband looking around the house at the mess that I am making. I AM making a mess, granted, but hell! My room is small!

And of course, the search for a job is still happening. Starting to see some jobs jump on the boards though. I am seeing a mix of jobs and interns. So who knows. Maybe the economy is on the way back. If you can see jobs in the art world, then it is the first sign! Keeping my fingers crossed for the upcoming future.

Ahhh yes.... I am alive....

2010-01-19T23:49:00.004-05:00

Okay I am alive. I swear. Barely.... So to update, I am a) still unemployed b) still creating lots of artwork c) still at the radio station and d) freaking busy! I can't believe how busy i am. I really shouldn't be typing this since i have other work to do! But I figure I should take some time out to see what is going on in the blog world. I figured I should let people know i am alive.

Last month I sold 3 sculptures. That is freaking amazing. I was completely baffled by that. One of the ones I sold was that larger mailbox piece that I posted not long ago. I have now focused on creating my art as my business. When the hell else am I supposed to do it, right? So I created a website for myself, made business cards, going to local openings and trying to be "known" here. The last show, in December, I had great critiques of my work. It was very humbling and flattering. I even had one artist come up to me and say that I am a much better artist than her. I couldn't help but blush. I am now trying to come up with a ton of work for an upcoming show in May. It's a joint show with me and my friend who is doing paintings. This will be a good test for me and a great way to get exposure and build my portfolio. From this, we shall see how I can further pursue my art in NYC and elsewhere.

Radio show is going excellent. I have a great listener ship. I have my regulars who are just amazing and GET what i am doing! That alone makes me so happy. I decided to do one show that was all the same song, pretty much. It was the song "Stagger Lee". There are over 300 versions of the song, so I wanted to go through the years of the song, explain the history and show how the song has changed. Now this is 3 hours of the SAME song! I didn't have many comments, but i can see how many people are listening and it remained consistent. I was amazed. The comments I got were about the songs and how the number of children had changed. They were really LISTENING! So that makes me feel good to know that what I am doing is worth something. People want to listen and I am enjoying doing it. Who knows what this will do for me in the future, but I figure I will ride the wave for the time being and see where it takes me.

I am also going to DJ a 13 year old birthday party this Saturday. Now talk about being out of my element! I don't know this new music. I sound old, I know. I just find today's pop music horrible. There are some decent stuff, but all in all, what these kids are listening to is just plain BAD. I wonder partially if they understand what the songs are about, but then at the same time the songs don't really hide their meanings anymore. I know.... old, i get it. What happened to innuendo? It's sad. So now I have to collect these songs and play them. The other funny thing is that they want the pop songs along with these other songs that make me giggle. Rockband and Guitar Hero have now opened up the musical realm to kids, which is kind of funny. So I get requests such as Beyonce, Flo Rida and then Alice Cooper and Queen. HA! So I will look forward to the other odd requests and try to find the decent Rhiana and Lady Gaga songs. Wish me luck!

Updates

2009-06-09T15:18:00.003-04:00

So I know, I been missing lately. But it's all good. I have been busy making art and I just got my third art show since i have been laid off. So all in all, I think this has been a great thing. I have been busy learning how to create kinetic sculptures, which has been fun and challenging. One of these is going in an upcoming show in August. The other thing I am working on is a skull, for an exquisite corpse show in October. So, I have deadlines, which we all know is something i need.

I need to get a website. That is one of the many important things i have to take care of, but with my lack of skills as a web designer, i think this will take a little longer than usual. That and i need to document some of the new pieces. I hate this end of art. I just want to create it, not worry about trying to sell myself.

So for now, that is where i am. Sorry for being distant. It's all good over here. No worries!

New Sculpture!

2009-04-28T22:13:00.002-04:00

Well, I started this piece back in 2007. The majority of doing this was this past year. And especially since i have been work free. I figured it was time to stop being stagnant. Time to do some work. So i gave myself a deadline of the end of the month, and I did it, with time left! I am naming this piece "Death of an Art". The entire piece is covered in letters. I had collected letters that had been sent to me since high school. They been sitting in an accordion file in a basement. I had them separated alphabetically. So if anyone had ever written to me within that time, I had that letter. I rarely get letters now, so it's kinda amazing that i have saved these. Ever since email, letters have gone by the wayside.

As I was working on this, I was reading through the letters and trying to remember what was being talked about. Most of the time, I had no clue. And they all said what great letters I wrote. I kinda wish I had those still. I am curious as to what i thought was so important or funny at that time.

I am really happy i have finally finished this piece and happy that I am ready to move on and work on some new stuff! This won't be clogging up my room and I might even get to put this in a show next month. So even more inspiration to get the piece done! Ever since I have been unemployed, I have had tons of ideas of what i want to do. My mind is not stagnant anymore. I just don't have enough time!

I am off to Baltimore this weekend and am going for more inspiration. This weekend is the Kinetic Sculpture Race. Then the next thing I want to do is go to the American Visionary Art Museum. They have a collection of smaller kinetic sculptures where you can crank something or there is a motor and the pieces move. I need to find a book and do some research of moving sculptures. I want to do a series of kinetic pieces based on circus sideshows. I just finished a book about it and I have been fascinated with them for a long while. So we shall see. I want to make some pieces that are cheaper to produce and sell. So each box will be 12" x 12". I also want to make shadow boxes, which I got the inspiration at a museum in Istanbul which was all about shadows.

So let's see what is about to happen. I am excited!

A Week of Freedom

2009-04-14T18:18:00.002-04:00

Well it has been a week of unemployment. I must say, so far so good. I have been cleaner in the house than i would be when employed. I have made dinners and gone shopping. I have had time to work on my art work and time to spend at the radio station. Even did another version of my podcast, which will be more often if this keeps up. I think i have been more productive than I have been in a normal work week.

The one rule i am making for myself in this lapse of work is that I will NOT take a job just to take a job, well at least not yet. I am holding out for something that is right for me. I don't need to jump into another job that I absolutely hate. And I refuse to take a pay cut either.

So today I had an interview. I was not too psyched to go, to be honest. I knew their hours and mine don't really agree with each other. But all in all, I can't say no to an interview. I have to give everything a chance and if this job is right for me, they will work around my needs as well. So I go in and all seems to be going okay. They even brought up the radio station and what my schedule is there and say that they could work around that as well. So I am fairly happy to hear that, but then he starts to quiz me. Literally. I had a verbal and written test. Now I understand talking to someone and giving scenarios on situations to find out how people respond to them. But I just felt a little taken aback by having to take a written test and adding things together. And not only adding things together off the top of my head. The written test was even about shit that doesn't even pertain to the job i am interviewing for, such as making a formula for an Excel file and organizing photos.

I think if you are going to do something like this, please let them know ahead of time. I was totally off my guard and might have been a bit more prepared mentally. Hell, at least brought my own pen! The whole thing left a bad taste in my mind. Then he gave me a tour after finishing my test. I walked around and saw the tiny rooms they work in. Then I realized that this metal finishing really is a lot of nothing. Cutting lengths of metal, tapping and die it, and then finish the metal with scotch brite pads. Really, not very difficult. I think i have a little more experience with metal than this. So this aspect of the job could be very boring.

The part that did interest me was some possibilities of learning more glass blowing and working with glass in general. I had done a course in glass blowing that i paid for in college. I left there with a new respect for glass after that. So the idea of learning more of this definitely interests me a lot. I am all about learning new things, but with my luck I would be stuck cutting brass tubing.

In the end, I walked away not really knowing what to think. I just don't know. I don't know if this is something i want or not. In the meantime, I can just keep going on with what i am enjoying on my own. And i am keeping busy, so boredom has not hit.

I have sent out a lot of resumes. So as my TKD teacher would like to say, if you throw enough mud on the wall, some of it has to stick. I am hoping there is some truth in that. I figure i am throwing out enough resumes, something has to stick. I am kind of wishing for a part time job. One that allows me to keep getting my unemployment and keeps me working and making a little money while I am allowed to work on my own work. Is that bad of me? I just feel like this is the first time since college that I am being allowed time to work on MY artwork. And I see progress. Something i haven't seen in way too long. I am almost finished with a piece. That makes me psyched. That is actually pushing me more and more as well. I am trying to get it finished by the end of this month. i have also started to work on another piece as well. It's amazing what happens to a creative mind when it isn't being bogged down with the job of hating your job. That really puts up a big wall in the creative progress and makes you extremely tired.

I also came across today some interesting reference material i had stored away from college. I haven't been able to look at it, but one of the things I found was about freelancing. Tomorrow i have a busy day at the radio station and then a concert, but I see Thursday as a great day to sit down and go over all this information. So busy days ahead. Then Friday night, i hop on a plane and am off to Chicago for a TKD seminar on refereeing. See, I told you I have not been bored. This free time just may do something good for me. Just stay tuned to see what it is!

A Statistic

2009-04-06T16:28:00.003-04:00

Yep, I am officially a statistic. I am apart of the 13.2 million people out there. I was laid off. Yep. It sucks, but part of me doesn't feel bad about it. We all know, I hated my job and every aspect of it, so part of me right now is breathing and finding my zen. I am not stressed, but it's only because I had way too much stress from old job. It's not like I didn't see it coming. I saw the numbers coming in, or more like not coming in. I saw the bills pile up and the stress getting worse and worse. I was the last full time employee there. We moved into a new space because of rent and sent out sculptures that were practically free.

So yes, it happened to me. It happened at lunch on Friday. He wanted to sit down and have a lunch meeting. When i heard that, I knew what was happening. We sat down and ate and talked about my vacation. I knew that was a cover. Then he said that they have no money. They can barely pay themselves. They are skimming by, and barely. He said I should know, which i did. He didn't say it officially for a while in the conversation. It was strange. I was hurt, only for the sake of not leaving somewhere because I said so. I wanted to be the one to say, I quit. Not leave and think- well at least i can collect unemployment.

So that is what is up. I am free. I don't have to dread going to work. I don't have to hate every single day. I won't feel the need to flip off my boss behind his back on a daily basis. I will be able to collect my thoughts. I will be able to do something for me now. I will be able to work on some art, go to WFMU more and find the real me again. I am good, I am not freaked out (yet) and I am remaining calm. We shall see what the future holds. But I think this all happened for a reason.

I'm Alive

2009-03-30T15:24:00.001-04:00

I am here. I been busy fighting jet lag, uploading photos and hating my job. So nothing new. Found out my dad lost his job. Who has this economy not effected? or is that affected....

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

2009-03-17T11:53:00.005-04:00

Ahhhhh, hello all! I am BACK. Back in more ways than one. I was away as you might have been able to tell by my lack of posts and due to craziness at work. I was also away on a MUCH needed vacation. And lastly I am back in a "my mind and patience are re-aligned" way. I feel a lot better to have been away. I really needed to get away from everything. I guess i should go back a few weeks, to give you an idea of crazy.....

Well two to three weeks ago, my work was getting ready to go through a move. We were packing up the studio and getting ready to move to a new space. The new space is good in the sense that it is closer for me to get to and drops my commute by 15 minutes. So that is good. So it was a good move.... but bad at the same time. So in the middle of packing, our phones and internet were turned off, which then means no sales were coming in. We lost contact with all our clients and since my job is in sales.... that is not too wise.

When we did finally move to the new place, I was told that the new office, which had to be made was moving right along. I was under the assumption that it was going to be by the middle of the week that we would be back to normal. That Monday morning when i walked into work, I looked around to the lack of work that was done and the horror of what was ahead. All the office was was a built up loft space. Just a floor. That was it. The guys were just starting to build the walls that day. So between, dry walling, mudding up the walls, sanding the walls, scrapping the decay and paint off the beams and ceiling, repainting the ceiling, painting the entire room, moving shit around.... I was doing everything BUT my job title. Now don't get me wrong. i am not a primadonna. I don't mind getting dirty and doing some hard labor. I actually miss it in a way, so sorry Chuck... I do miss being dirty from the mold room! The problem was more of- not my job department. I was not prepared to all of a sudden do the work that was needed. I was wearing nice clothes under false assumptions of the progress. The other issue was that I ended up being the only person working! I was told- Oh yeah... no worries... here you will have all these people to work with you on these miserable tasks, such as painting a ceiling. Then they would be pulled away and I would be left alone doing it. Yeah... fun.

The first week finished, and there was still no office. Just a pure skeleton of one. The following week, they had moved in all the furniture.... and moved it into the undone office.... which you saw images of. So needless to say, all that had to keep getting moved around that like annoying puzzle game where one piece is missing and you have to slide the pieces around one at a time to make the image complete. Yeah. Awesome. So on top of getting no help, my boss who you all already know that I think is completely useless, did NOTHING. He did absolutely no manual labor in helping getting the office ready. He stood to the side playing with his iPhone. That pissed me off more than anything. I was busting my ass (and back) while he did nothing. He'd come in and move stuff in the way of what you were working on, or give useless ideas about what should be done next. Then he would say... okay i gotta go home and do some work. Nice eh? Oh, and did i mention that there was no hot water or heat? No? Well, there wasn't. So washing your hands after getting utterly filthy was next to impossible. You would wash them in freezing water, dry them off on your dirty clothes and have them be freezing cause the room temperature was freezing. Yeah....

That week, i busted my ass and finished the painting and started to move the carpet around when TA DA! I threw my back out. Yes... two days before my vacation. Why was I moving carpet without help? oh i wonder..... I had noone else helping me. The guy i work with was watching me move it when it happened too. Nice huh? So I sent an email to my boss saying- you planning on coming here and helping any time soon? I just threw my back out trying to do this by myself. So he came in and I went off to the acupuncturist. That man worked miracles. MIRACLES. If you never have had that done... go do it! I don't care if you are afraid of needles.... just do it.

Finally the last day before my vacation, I came in, helped roll out the carpet with my boss and coworker and we finally had an official office by the end of the day. Amazing.

Oh, while all that drama was happening that last week, I was also busting ass at WFMU. It was marathon week and I was working on two shows that week. So I spent ever single day at WFMU that week. Which isn't a bad thing... just eats up all my extra time.

So lastly I finally went on vacation.... YAY! and I will write about Istanbul later... with appropriate images to go with! But wow... did I need that break. The one good thing is that when i got off the plane, I had a message on my email asking me to do a fill in for Wednesday, March 18th. So of course I said HELLS YEAH! So tomorrow night at 11pm to 2am EST I will be spinning tunes at the station again! Very exciting. So come listen and send your love!

So now that i am all rested and relaxed, I am ready to jump into the swing of things again. Sorry I have been missing! Now go out for a tasty beer tonight and for god sakes... don't drink green beer... that is just wrong. And if you are in Chicago... go by the the river to see it that brilliant green color.

My Version of Hell

2009-03-05T12:24:00.002-05:00

I have been MIA lately... these pictures will only begin to explain it. This is 2 weeks into the whole thing too. I hate hate hate hate hate my job.

Fascinating... really!

2009-02-13T09:27:00.003-05:00

This site is all sorts of awesome... in a gross way...

Ladies Kick Ass

2009-02-12T16:52:00.001-05:00

Oh yeah we do!

That Time of the Year Again....

2009-02-06T14:16:00.003-05:00

It's that time of the year for me. Every February I get frustrated and annoyed and it's like a permanent PMS. This year I was going to be pro-active and make sure it didn't happen, but here we are again and it's happening. I get beyond frustrated with my job, so I had sent out applications for new jobs. I got two call backs where one I met with them twice and the other I had two phone interviews. I was told that I was supposed to have a third interview ( which is kind of annoying) but I hadn't heard back from them. I decided to be proactive and send an email stating that I was supposed to have this third interview and wanted to know when it would be so I could plan my meetings with my clients accordingly. Which is true And makes me look like I am organized. I had sent this out about a week and half ago with no response. I did finally get an email yesterday saying it was getting postponed until after the 23rd.

I was also supposed to have my other face to face instead of phone interview scheduled last week and have not heard from them either. This is also equally annoying, but their hours are not what I really want and might not be flexible to accommodate my WFMU time. That is just something I don't want to disappear right now.

On the radio front, as you can tell I have not had any fill in shifts. I did get asked to do one for last Sunday from 6 am to 9 am. I did that shift before and loved it. The problem was I responded too late and someone else said yes. And I mean too late being 45 minutes after it was sent! I was do excited to get more air time. The one nice thing was that he liked the show I did when I filled in for him last time and I am now on his radar as a fill in. The other thing about the station is that the station manager keeps bringing new people around for studio training, especially when I am in the studio working on my weekly show. Since I am only board op-ing, and running a ore recorded show, that studio can be used for training. What annoys me is that he is training SOMEONE else! I been with this station and dependable! Give ME a chance! People seem to like what I am doing.... So come on!

The last thing I am annoyed at, but is not high on the list is this stupid bar that wanted to meet me about showing my work. So as I had said, the guy who was in charge of that was no longer there. I figured I would contact them in a month or two. No biggie. Then a couple weeks later I got an email from the person taking over for him. She wanted to honor the people he contacted and was having a hard time finding everyone's info. So I wrote her back and sent example images and that was that. I haven't heard anything else. The only reason this one isn't as high is because I wanted some time to create and finish some new pieces and I haven't had any free time due to my TKD training.

Well I can at least end this on a good note. I took my black belt test and all my extra classes and off day practicing has paid off! It was long, about 6 hours total, and there were parts j wanted to stop, but I made it. I broke my wood, which I haven't done in my past few tests. I even broke one with my hand and broke a double board with a back kick. J survived the circle of death. I was sore the following day but only that day. I was not as wrecked as I thought I would be. Tonight I have my black belt ceremony. So that should be fun.

Thank you Lux Interior..... You will be missed!

2009-02-05T12:46:00.003-05:00

I am re-releasing this from the WFMU website. I just found out today. I am rather saddened about this loss, as I never got to see them live and was planning on trying to see them as they were still touring around.... Thank you Lux Interior for your amazing contribution to the music world... I leave you with these words and this amazing video. The Cramps did a live concert at an insane asylum, which would and could never happen these days.

For Immediate Release: February 4, 2009

Lux Interior, lead singer of The Cramps, passed away this morning due to an existing heart condition at Glendale Memorial Hospital in Glendale, California at 4:30 AM PST today. Lux has been an inspiration and influence to millions of artists and fans around the world. He and wife Poison Ivy’s contributions with The Cramps have had an immeasurable impact on modern music.

The Cramps emerged from the original New York punk scene of CBGB and Max’s Kansas City, with a singular sound and iconography. Their distinct take on rockabilly and surf along with their midnight movie imagery reminded us all just how exciting, dangerous, vital and sexy rock and roll should be and has spawned entire subcultures. Lux was a fearless frontman who transformed every stage he stepped on into a place of passion, abandon, and true freedom. He is a rare icon who will be missed dearly.

The family requests that you respect their privacy during this difficult time.

Looking Back in Time

2009-01-27T17:43:00.002-05:00

I was reading Frankie's blog about old friends and Facebook and it has gotten my mind thinking lately. Like most people, I have Facebook. It took me a LONG time to get it. I thought it was for kids in high school now. And if it was for school in general, I had been out long enough to not need it. I was in contact with the people I wanted to be from then. But alas I was sent an invite and there I was. The funny thing is that I have searched out no one really. Most have found me and I have become surprised at who has.

Let me explain high school from my eyes. I was the arty girl that would have been the weird or freak of the school. I didn't follow normal trends and hung out with the other arty/ punk/ indie/ skater before it was cool crowd. Kids now make fun of the emo and goth kids ( like the goth kids in south park). I was one with them smoking my clove cigarettes, hanging out at Denny's or Friendly's, wearing my thrift store clothes with a Smiths t-shirt and a pair of creepers or DM's. Got a good mental image? I didn't participate in school shit. When I graduated high school 17 years ago, we as a class didn't give a shit if we saw each other again.

So the surprise that people were interested in what I was up to was a surprise. I mean it's not like I was really interested in what became of them. I would have random wonders, but that was it. I would get random rumors from my friends about who they ran into and it would be rather caddy- you won't believe what they look like or she has 4 kids!

Now I get requests and I have to ask some friends who that person is. What is scary is that I am getting interested in what they are up to. Before I never went to a reunion cause I didn't want to see them or explain my life or why I have no kids. I still don't fit in that mold but now I am content in that. I don't want that life. I am happy looking at their pics and seeing what I am "missing".

Now I know that I have too much access to Facebook. I can see updates on my phone. I am obsessed to see what mousy girl is now an avid traveler and who came out of the closet. I enjoy seeing who contacts me as a friend. I like seeing who was curious enough about my life to look me up. I secretly wish the guy who I had a major crush on would look me up. My friend here, Izimbra, knew me then and now. I know she tried to swear off Facebook, but she was drawn back. It is a drug. I agree. But at least it's a safe one and just filled with gossip and a brief glimpse into their lives without having to have a conversation.

Geartar - Meghan McKee

2009-01-26T22:20:00.001-05:00

Geartar - Meghan McKee, originally uploaded by Mark Dalzell.

A fancy picture of the Guitar project that I did this past September. And someone said it was their favorite. Yay!

A Time of Change

2009-01-20T18:18:00.003-05:00

So we have a new president. Doesn't that have a nice ring to it? A NEW PRESIDENT. It's an amazing thing. We all now can sigh with relief. I no longer have to lie about where i am from or give excuses explaining that I did not vote for Bush. It's a relief.

Other changes are happening. Or could be happening. I have had an interview and getting ready for another one this coming Friday. This happened yesterday. Yesterday I also got a two phone calls about another job, which i had in sense did a phone interview. That is rather exciting and a surprise. Part of the surprise is that people are hiring in this economy. Part is that they are calling me. I guess another part of the surprise is that I am happy to know that there IS a possibility of getting to leave my current job, which i a miserable at. My boss is constantly up my ass about trying to get sales and go out and meet with people and stir up business. Now mind you, I don't mind meeting with clients, but not when i am forced to. And to go out, knowing that no one is ordering cause it is not a NEED of their events, makes it difficult. I even came up with a great idea to give our clients incentive to buy more, which went over well that day, but then was shot down the following day, cause my boss has no balls. He needs many people to tell him this is a great idea and stroke him, so that he will be happy... It's annoying. I am not the kind of person to stroke his ego or make him feel loved and what not. You are the boss. You have the ability to make executive decisions.

This past weekend I went to The Zlatne Uste Golden Festival up in Inwood (Harlem). It was an all Balkan music festival, with three stages. I was working the second day there, airing it live on WFMU. We were there for 6 hours, airing the music. It was definitely a great time. Three stages of music playing all at the same time, so there was always music to check out. Lots of dancing, free food and beer and a lot of fun.

As for the meeting up with the possible show at the local bar, well that didn't go so well. The guy in charge of that was let go the day before i showed up. Fun eh? So they don't know who is taking over that job, and i am stuck waiting again. Oh well. So be it.

The End of an Era

2009-01-15T15:46:00.001-05:00

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Six Days Seven Nights

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

Let us all be thankful for this change!

The Wheel Goes Round and Round

2009-01-14T14:10:00.002-05:00

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. And yes that is what you all have been smelling (hehe). I have been thinking of whether I should keep doing this blog. I wonder what it does for me. What it does for you. What it does in general. It's like a diary, that i share. Keeps me seeing what i was feeling a year ago... where I was. But really, is it worth it? I guess it does get stuff off my chest and that is good.

I have noticed the usual cyclical elements of people lately. My boss is up to his usual things again. I am just tired of it. I can almost point to a calendar and point out the times he goes through his certain freak outs and then I have to deal with it. I am also noticing it with friends as well. I see how she is dealing with her life and her husband's and I am at the point where i am fed up reading about it. It hurts me to watch her do the same things over and over. And i know she wouldn't listen if I told her. She'd just say I wouldn't understand cause i am not going through it. She has moved away from the person I knew to some totally other person that i am not too fond of. It's sad. I just wish she'd read back at what she writes and notice what I am saying now. And i know she's not reading this any more... so she won't even know what i am thinking. I am sorry.

I am tired of these circles. I want to move in a straight line. I want to plow ahead and keep my focus. Yes, it is fine to revisit themes and improve on them, but I can't dwell. I have plans and I am doing something about it. Today i am meeting up with local bar to see about having a show there. I found a thing online where they were looking for local artists. So i figure, with my looking forward mentality, that I should reply. I sent some work to show him and I got a response. He was interested in meeting, so that is exciting. It will also get my ass in gear to be productive. I worked on a piece this weekend and made some good progress. I am very excited about it and have an end in sight. So that is good. I also have some other ideas I want to start on, but not until this one is finished. The other ones are smaller and more manageable, so i can sell them at lower cost as well. That was another goal of mine. To make my work affordable.

This weekend I am going with WFMU to do a live feed. This time i will not be behind the board, but at the venue learning this end of things. This will also be another good opportunity for me to show that I am a team player and have a vested interest in the station. So we shall see. I was really proud of my little blurb I say at the end of the show I work on this week and it made me hungry for more air time. I should manifest this into doing another podcast.

Well I would love feedback and opinions. Let me know what you think of me doing this or not. Thanks.

Busy Already?!

2009-01-07T14:39:00.003-05:00

The answer is YES! I am rather amazed at how this year is starting off. Let's go in order... The month of January is dedicated to two things. First it is dedicated to making art. Damn it. I need to spend time inside making art and finishing this one sculpture that i am in the middle of. It's not too far from being done, I just need time to do it. So i have dedicated every Saturday to making art. Hopefully this will just continue, where i can spend one day to art. Maybe make it a habit and I won't stop. Part of the reasoning on this is A) I have to- I am an artist and B) I have the possibilities of shows. The woman that put up that show at the local bar is connected to other people and she likes my stuff. So if someone likes your stuff, they are more apt to promote it. I swung by on Monday to pick up the pieces from this past show and she gave me another book to do something with. They were having the opening for the next month's show the following evening and she told me to come by. I did, met the artist and got some good talking time with her. She had told me of a call for artists that she thought my work would be great for. She also introduced me to some of her friends and told them i was the one that created the book pieces in the past show. They all said how much they liked my work, which is a great feeling. So with all this possible pushing and prodding, i need to get my ass in gear and make some new work.

The second thing I am devoting the month of January to is working out. No, don't get me wrong. It is not a New Years Resolution AT ALL. Granted I do feel like a big fatty, but that isn't why. I have finally been given the date of my black belt test. It will be February 1st. So I need to make sure i don't pass out or die in the middle. So i am amp-ing up my cardio workouts, so my little heart can keep up. I also need to just do all my traditional stuff (which is something I can do on my own), and just keep at it. So this month I will practically be living at the Tae Kwon Do studio. But i am excited and ready. My mind is ready. I am not fully nervous. I have a goal and a date, so I will be good. Granted, I will most likely be scared shitless the day of... but that is another story.

I have also booked my upcoming vacation. This will be in March for about 8 days total, but granted 2 days are really travel days. I will be going to Turkey. I am so excited for this trip. This will be my first trip to Asia and to a Muslim country. I am flying into Istanbul (not Constantinople.....) and plan on spending a few days there. Then i want to fly out to Cappadocia. This is in the middle of Turkey and has these caves and underground cities. I worked with a guy who had lived in Turkey and has sculptures there, so I am going to pick his brain as well as to what he thinks I should do.

The month of February will fly by, as it always does, with my birthday in the middle of it. I will be gearing up and planning.... and of course making art.

New Year No Regrets

2008-12-31T14:56:00.002-05:00

Well another year has come and went. As like all the years... it has had it's ups and downs. I think it was an interesting one and was glad to see some people got what they deserved. The election had its ups and downs, but all in all I think the best person won. The economy sucked... but luckily being an artist I don't have a 401K or really a savings. I don't own a house, so that was good too.

But I don't want to dwell on the bad. I think i had some good things this past year. I think it showed me that taking the initiative will get you places. You can't sit and wait for anything to happen. You have to be ready to take rejection, but you never know what may surprise you. I am not going to make any resolutions. Hell we don't follow em anyways. Yeah yeah, i wanna lose weight, get rich and be fabulous... but shit, who doesn't. I am going to just look back at things I am proud of.

I am damn proud first and foremost of the radio stuff. The beginning of the year I said to myself, screw it. I am going to make these podcasts and if people listen to them, cool. I just knew i had to do it and didn't care if copyright laws or what not got me. I made them, got more and more comfortable. I kept at it, not knowing what would come of it. Then the online radio site decided to start back up. This is where i started to begin with, so that was great. I would be able to have another place to post my stuff. I would have another audience. It would be good. Then WFMU, who i have volunteered for for the past 7 years was looking for someone to help out at the station. I said yes... and little by little, I have now been filling in on shows in hopes of having my own show one day. But even still, I have had great feed back from the fill ins and am just really happy with how that has turned out.

Even though i didn't make a ton of art like i thought i would, but i did take the initiative. I had three shows. didn't sell anything, but still having the opportunity to show my work was great in itself. I got great feedback on the pieces and was happy to be apart of the community. And it also made me realize that i can be a bit more direct about showing my stuff. Go ahead and just ask. Don't be afraid and be worried about being rejected. Different strokes for different folks... some stuff might not be that person's thing. I will find the right person.

Work has sucked this year, but i must say at least i still have a job. I can be thankful about that. I know a lot of people around here are getting laid off and I know that i have been miserable, but all in all, I am still getting paid. A new job will happen, not right now maybe, but it will happen.

For the first time in a long time, I have a savings account. We are saving up to buy a house. And not to sound like I am going to bank on others losses... but hells yeah i am! That shit was way way WAY over inflated in price. Not my fault most people didn't know how to do math and realize that they were paying more than what they were making. So as I sit waiting for people's egos to deflate a little and realize that their houses aren't worth as much as they have put it up for, I will keep saving to finally own something.

I am also happy i have had the opportunity to travel. Last years trip to Panama was great and my little trip down to Texas was a nice change of pace. I have another trip lined up for this March to go to Turkey. I am extremely excited for this trip. Such a culture change and i am already doing research as to what exactly I want to do for this trip.

So all in all, i think it was a great year. I have no real regrets. At least none that i can think of. And hell, if i can't think of them, then i obviously don't regret it at all! I am excited for the new year, even though i will be another year older and most likely none the wiser. I am just going to keep trudging along and try new things. I am just going to see where all these little things take me. I hope some new and exciting adventures. Everyone have a safe and good new year!

Whirlwind of a Weekend

2008-12-22T12:02:00.003-05:00

Wow.... I can't believe i am still standing. I feel like i have been living at WFMU this past weekend. Oh wait, I kinda have. Really. So I did my show this past Saturday morning. Woke up at midnight to go get ready. Went down and did the train show. A couple glitches here and there, but all in all it was a good show. I had a lot of friends listen in and comment, which was really nice. I also got some other feedback from people that I don't know, which is even MORE important to me as they CHOOSE to stay and listen. I even got some weird phone call about how they had met me a while ago and they were enjoying the show but upset I brought my boyfriend with me. Odd.... but oh well. I guess I should expect to get those calls in the middle of the night.

I go home and sleep for a couple hours and relax all day. Clean up the house a little. Friend came over to hang out a little... Listened to the archive of the show... went to eat Indian Food. On my way to the Indian food, I saw i had a message on my phone from a DJ at WFMU. I listened to it and he needed someone to fill in for him for the next morning from 6 am to 9 am. I figured, hell this is a WAY better time slot, so why not? I called him back and he told me that he was sick and the station manager Ken had suggested me, since i was local. I figured that since Ken had recommended me to him, I should do it. That and it was a BETTER SLOT. But i had to get home, in my stage of over-tiredness, and pull together a show quickly. So I pulled together the car show which i had done, but still needed some more songs to make it last 3 hours.

I went in, started the show and was amazed. I was getting amazing feedback. People were calling in and writing on the comment page. And it was ALL people I didn't know at all. They felt compelled enough to write in and say something to me. I was shocked. I had one friend towards the end of the show write in, but that was it. It was all other people. I even had one DJ write in as well. It was the best thing and EXACTLY what i needed. I needed that feedback. I been needing it badly.

I have been doing this for a bit now, via my own podcasts and what not. I just have had friends and family basically listen to it. It hasn't really gone far from there. I have heard from some people i didn't know... but in the blogsphere I did. I just needed a new ear... one that doesn't know me or what I do. I even tried to get any feedback from the other site I do my podcasts on. That has produced a lot of nothing too and a whole lot of attitude from the only other person that does a show. I think it's just jealousy... as my show is way better than hers. Not being cocky... just honest. So it was great to get these people to write in from all over the world. Listening and liking what they heard. It was like radio crack. This is what DJ's are needing. That approval. That knowledge that there are people out there so happy to hear that is being played on the radio. I know i get really happy if I hear something I don't ever get to hear. Even when i was playing songs I would get people writing in saying-

From: cosmic

no thank you! theres something more magical when its happening right now though. even if it is lunchtime here!

From: tokindaddy

great show this morning, meghan, been listening since 5am, and I haven't heard one I didnt like

So here is the link for you all to listen to past archives if you haven't had a chance to listen- http://wfmu.org/playlists/MN.

Brings a Whole New Meaning to Comics

2008-12-18T13:12:00.003-05:00

My coworker showed me this site. He looks at it daily. It's kind of depressing and sad. It becomes deep and sad. Poor Jon. What a pathetic loser... and he knows it. Could be any of us if we were caught talking to our animals though. I always wonder what someone would think if they just heard my inane conversations with my dog. Lock me up and throw away key.... Enjoy the site.

Fascinating

2008-12-17T14:49:00.002-05:00

My friend sent this article to me and I was amazed. This is an image of a foot found in a 3 DAY year old brain. yep. Brain. I just think the image is amazing. And they hide it from people cause it may be disturbing.... Well disturb away I go!

Pictures from the Art Opening

2008-12-16T14:27:00.003-05:00

Here are the images of the art opening. Sorry for the delay! The three book pieces are mine and the wooden block one. Not the doll heads or the ones further to the right...

Hmmmm

2008-12-12T16:01:00.005-05:00

Well i tried to post images from the art show, but they weren't loading. Must be too big, so i will have to try to resize them and do it again. For your information Frank, that book one below is one of mine. That one is in the show. The book pieces I did are based on the concept, if your life was a book, what would your book be. That one is about me. I made one for my mom and dad. My brother never got one. I was going to make one for his wedding as a gift, but with my procrastination and him being married less than a year... it never did come to fruition. I do need to do one for him. One day I will....

So i promised to write about the busy weekend and all that. This week i have been reflecting on it all. I came back happy and excited, but at the same point a bit bitter. I am a red belt. I should be testing for my black belt next month. I was supposed to test for it back in October, but my master was testing for his over in Korea, so both were not happening at the same time. In order for us to go to this seminar, I had to be recommended to go from my master. Which if you ask me is a great honor. Knowing that I am going to represent my school to some of the heads of the Kukkiwon, which is the Tae Kwon Do headquarters. So I made sure I knew my forms, even though at times i mess up and confuse some parts, I want to at least make it look good.

So i fly down to Dallas, getting in town around 8:30 pm. I stay at the airport waiting for the rest of my team to arrive an hour later. They show up and they just want to go to bed. I went from noon to 9:30 on a slice of pizza, as they no longer feed you or give you drinks on a plane. Two dollars for a can of soda? Go fuck yourself. And you can't even bring your own water with you on the plane. All sorts of fucked up. Anywho.... so i was starved. I wanted food. So we got to the hotel and a couple of the guys wanted food. So we went on the hunt..... Dallas sucks. No food. Dallas is closed. Nothing. I went to hotel room and for some reason i wound up eating some nasty ramen type thing out of a vending machine. Yum.

I woke up the next morning to be at training at 7:50 am. We started with an introduction, watching a dvd, followed by some stretching and basic warm up held by Grand Master Hwang. There was overall 135 practitioners in a ballroom of a hotel. They were from 8th Degree black belt down to the red belts. We were next to a wall... and lucky lucky me, I was next to a wall with a table. We had to kick and do our forms, which is what the seminar was about. I couldn't do any of them correctly in that limited space. I kicked the table multiple times and had to not kick at all at times. I was frustrated, which of course does not lend to happy forms. My mind wasn't in it, it was only concentrating on that fucking table.

We go to lunch and come back to break into groups. The red belts are placed into one room, 1st and 2nd degrees together, 3rd and 4th.... and so on. So we are waiting in our little room. There are two other red belts with me from my school. There were about 8 other people from other schools. We waited and waited for our teacher. So we decided to start going through the forms from the white belt one up. We begin and I see how the other people are. I know how my fellow classmates are. One is very good and the other woman, who is my master's wife, doesn't know anything. Sad thing is that she was extremely nervous about not knowing anything and STILL did better than some of these red belts. They were horrible. Then finally my master comes into our room to check in with us and to help us get started. He was with us the entire day. Now don't get me wrong. I have learned a lot from my master and he helped out the other people from the other schools, but I didn't want to fly all the way down to Dallas, pay 100 bucks and be trained by my own master. I was supposed to learn from the Koreans!

In the end... I did learn stuff. I am now look back to see how I felt about the experience and I am in the middle. I did write a letter over to one of the organizers to tell him what I thought. I wanted it to be critical, but at the same time, have him understand that the overall out come was good. I also found out the week we came back that the one girl that was copying me the entire time won the best of the group. Each group got one person to win the award. One of the black belts from my school won it, and he totally deserved it cause he really is good. This girl won it because she had a white scarf on her head. Now don't get me wrong. She was a very sweet girl and I was helping her as much as I could. The only reason I am assuming they picked her was because she stood out with the scarf on her head. And of course they are not going to ask my master who worked with us the entire time who deserved it. It would be like me asking a yellow belt what they thought. So... the two people in the room that WERE good, me and another guy from my school, didn't get the award. It was stupid. I am miffed at that, but there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.

I did ask my master yesterday when I will be training for my black belt. This is the ONE thing I left wanting more than anything. I really want my black belt. Partially because I don't want to get dumped in with the red belts any more. I am better than most of them and know that I can stand my own in a room full of black belts. Granted.. you are what you are capable of, but in that crowd, you are what your belt is. At least the next event I go to, I will have a black belt and not be left out.

So much to say... so little time

2008-12-08T14:27:00.002-05:00

Wow, I have lots to say, but they are all so varied. So I will be writing for the next few days. From my travels to Texas and the radio station and all that. I have been busy. But I figure I would promote this one thing now....

I have two new DJ slots that I will be filling in for. You can of course listen online to the show and drop me a line there as well. There are two dates:

- Saturday, December 20th at 2am - 6am (this is after midnight of Friday Dec 19th)
This is a Train Themed Show, so send in your requests now!

- Thursday, December 25th at 2am - 6am (this is after midnight of Wed. Dec 24th)
This is NOT a Christmas show. I don't like Xmas music after being tortured with it working retail. BUT it will be all songs with bells in it. So send your bells songs.

I will also be recording the new Underwater Theme Park Podcast this Friday as well, from a shake down on putting up a new show from Frankie. That will be a Monkey themed show.

So get in those requests now!

What a Night

2008-12-04T13:27:00.002-05:00

It was packed. It was packed and active. I saw lots of people and had great responses to the work. i had some friends come from the radio station, so that was great to have that support as well. I know noone will come from my work, so having someone show from my other not real job makes me feel good.

My Tae Kwon Do teacher came with another guy from our school. The other guy, James, has seen my work before, but not these pieces. My teacher hadn't. His reaction was amazing. He was stunned by my work. He didn't expect that from me. He thought I would have these huge metal structures, not small intimate work. He was literally choked up. I saw him... he really was. That was a truly great moment for me because he has known me for over four years and knows me well enough and all my quirks. So for him to have that reaction was really special to me.

I also had another great meeting. I turned around and saw a waitress at a local bar i go to, about two doors down from where we were at. She is always my waitress and sees me enough at the place. We greeted each other and i asked what are you doing here?! She point to the art work next to mine and tells me that is hers. We both start to laugh saying wow, how funny we are placed next to each other. We started talking about the art scene in the area and what we are planning. The funny thing is we both are planning the same ideas. She has done research on her end of opening a very similar thing that i was interested in doing. We got to talking and said that we should sit down together and see where this could take us. I am very excited by this possibility. I just have been so busy lately to do any more research into it, so I am glad she was interested in talking more about it.

So granted, my work didn't sell, or at least nothing that night. But i got more than money from that opening. I got to be apart of the art community in many ways and that means more to me than anything else. I also got inspired to do more work. So hopefully when i get back from this weekend, I will have some time to work on stuff. I will be off to Dallas Texas for a Tae Kwon Do Seminar. I will post pictures and report back. It should be really interesting and fun.

Ohhh Tonight Tonight!

2008-12-02T11:35:00.002-05:00

I am really excited for tonight. Tonight is the opening of the show and I always get excited for the openings. I love listening in on people as they talk about the art. I love eavesdropping on conversations to get a REAL critique of my work. Granted, the pieces I have in the show are old and I have been critiqued on them many times. I don't feel uncomfortable or nervous about the works. I just want them to sell. I have no attachments anymore. I don't feel like a momma wanting to hold onto my new work longer, I want them out of my house. I want them to live a life of their own. They are teenagers in my place and I want them out.

I am also excited cause it is my first show in Jersey City that is not in such a hard to get to place. For example, when i have my show in the church, you have to A) go to a church B) go when the church is open and C) go there on a mission instead of a random drop by. The other show with the guitars were shown at a music thing, so people didn't really get to interact with the artists and conversations weren't had. The artists really weren't even there. Most of them dropped off the work and then it gets displayed in a window. This show I will get to mingle with the other artists, which i did last night when i swung by to pick up the postcards. The curator is also very interested in having the artists meet and introducing each other. She is more active in creating a conversation. People who are going for drinks will get to see the work and you never know who they may be or what they do. And my pieces are placed up front in the bar, so they get seen right away. And, what seems like for once, they are placed next to other work that I like as well.

So all in all, I am very excited. I will give a full report tomorrow how the show went.

Something to Think About.....

2008-11-30T10:30:00.002-05:00

Hope you all had a great Turkey Day. I haven't been around, sorry. Been busy here with family and what not. I saw this yesterday and had a good laugh, so I figured I would share. I will write soon.

Dog Sitting

2008-11-17T10:17:00.004-05:00

Well the next two weeks are going to be crazy. My friend has left to go to Vietnam (i am uber jealous too) and has left her dog in my care. I love her dog and my dog is okay with her too. My dog is a big wuss, so Rosie (the dog I am watching) pushes Bosco (my dog) around. Both dogs are used to having free reign of their own houses, so they are both thrown off. And of course poor Rosie is missing her owners.

The one thing that will drive us nutty will be Rosie's whining. Our dog does not whine, unless it is a dire situation. If he is whining, we know it's important and we jump to it. Rosie just whines. i have now started sleeping like a mom with a newborn child. I am always ready to wake up at the slightest sound. And then i lie in bed having a bad feeling that Rosie KNOWS I am awake and then the whining starts.... again. Bosco used to do it as a pup, just cause he wanted to be with us, but if you ignored him for a while he would stop. An hour did not stop Rosie.... until i yelled Rosie shut the fuck up! She did amazingly.

So I may be a bit nutty in the next week, so this is my apology ahead of time....

What a Little Confidence Will Give You

2008-11-10T11:36:00.004-05:00

So this past weekend was really great. It was the first weekend that I didn't have any "PLANS", unlike all of October and the rest of this month. This is the first weekend that I wasn't really expected anywhere, but it was fruitful none the less.

Friday night I went to a local bar. My friend told us of this event that was happening there where an artist was painting 24 paintings in 24 hours. So we showed up once he was finished and looked at the art and tried to guess what one was done at 3 am, 4 am, 5 am, etc. I just know from my last DJ gig, that 5 am hour is killer... one where your mind becomes mush. I have gone to this bar many times after my Tae Kwon Do classes and tests, so the owner has gotten to know us. She recognized me that night and we said our hello's. I also know she has seen some of my work at the Cathedral Arts Festival that I have participated in every year for the past four years. I swallowed my pride and asked her when the next group show was. She told me that it was next month and that it was a small works show, which is actually perfect for my work since i have NO room to work in. I reminded her of my book pieces I had shown at the Cathedral and she said- Those would be PERFECT! She then proceeded to introduce me to the curator of the space, who is another woman that I had met a couple times before. I never knew that she had become the curator for the space, so that was a nice surprise. When we got introduced, she said- Oh! I know you! So it's nice to be "known". So by just a little question, I have three pieces going into the show, which is a nice surprise. Granted they are old pieces (made them back in college), but I know I don't want to be a collector of my own art work. So that started off my work week.

The next day was rainy and I slept in a little bit, which was a nice change and much needed. I hung around the house and was lazy. i had a headache that was killer (no i wasn't even close to being drunk- only had 3 beers the entire night). I sat around watching Extras on On Demand. That show is hilarious. Finally Jeff said that we should go get our tickets to see Reverend Horton Heat, which is next Saturday, today from the box office. So we trudged to the city in the rain and fought off all the tourists. We get to the box office by 3:15 and they were closed. They were supposed to be open until 4 pm, and we saw that there was someone inside. I grab the gate and start shaking it to draw his attention. There was another woman waiting as well, saying that she had called and they said they were open until 4 pm. Finally I get the guys attention and he looks at us pissed off. I mime something about the number 4 and point at my wrist and shrug shoulders. Finally he comes to the door with this smarmy look on his face. He opens the door and tries to come up with this witty response which he bumbles through. He says something to the degree of there must be a better way of getting our attention.... and then Jeff pipes in- like a doorbell? The guy looks at Jeff annoyed and finally blurts out that what better way to let people know they are closed by with a large metal gate. I look at him with that questioning expression. I think- Seriously? You didn't.... I chime in- Yeah that would be great IF it was 4... but it's NOT, and you are SUPPOSED to be open, since it is 3:15.... The guy looks at his watch, then at us and then let's out a pissed off sigh and grumbles something pissed off and finally opens the gate and door. We go in, get our tickets and once i was done, yells out to the other lady waiting- NEXT! As we leave, 2 more people enter the place and I giggle to myself. What a douche.

We then go get an early dinner and go get my a new pair of glasses. I got Lasik a while ago, but my eyesight has definitely changed and i had already got a touch up on one eye, but they keep changing. i figure, i would rather deal with glasses that I don't have to wear all the time for a bit. We then went home and rested for a bit, as I wasn't feeling too wonderful, again. Weather messes me up I guess. At around 9 pm, we decided to go on an adventure and check out this bar in Patterson, NJ. it's called Paul's Bar and Bowling. Jeff had heard about it from some band mailing lists he's on and there was always rockabilly music. We found it and see from the outside that there is going to be live music. We walk inside and fall in love. This bar was amazing. it was trashy, but the right kind of trashy. The music playing was good, the bar was curvy and made you want to sit at it. The lighting was perfect. The customers there were characters and a band was setting up. In the back of the building were these old 1967 bowling lanes, all original. There were 4 lanes upstairs and 4 downstairs. So nice. I will have to go back there soon with better camera in hand to take better pictures. I need to capture the feelings of this place. That and a Sierra Nevada are only $4.25 each (NYC it's around $8 ea.).

Then Sunday, my work was being filmed for Food Network. Some new show called "Will Work for Food". They had filmed in the studio on Friday. I surprisingly knew the sound guy on the crew. That was a nice surprise. He was a friend of Jeff's from long ago. That was a chance meeting. I teased Jeff with this all weekend as well, not telling him who it was and that he was going to see him on Sunday. So we went to the final "event" on Sunday, which was made up just for tv. There was supposed to be free food, but there was really not enough to go around. That part was not too great, but all in all it was a nice time to be able to hang out with an old friend.

So yes, a unplanned weekend became a busy one. I need to get in my studio and create some art. I see some future shows of mine.... I need to crack that whip and find some time to get it done.

A Little History Lesson

2008-11-07T12:37:00.005-05:00

During the election and even now I keep hearing people say- great welcome to Socialist Republic of the United States. This partially baffles me. Not only does it baffle me, but last I checked didn't the Cold War end? I remember it happening. I even saw the place in Iceland where Reagan or Gorbachev met to discuss it. I remember the wall coming down and a few months after it did, I went to Berlin with my high school and I got to write on the wall and pick away at it. I walked through a hole in the wall to the Eastern side where the wall was stark white. So I remember all the tension and that fear that was drilled in us.

So why is this all coming back? Has the election brought out the bad in people and they are just trying to place their blame on what we should all expect to happen? Granted things in Russia are a little off (okay more than a little). And if I am not mistaken, didn't the current government take over the investment banks? And to go around yelling Socialism like it's a bad word. But yet again, I know what that word means. I think people are confusing it with Communism. There are still communist countries out there, remember we had our Olympic games in one this past summer. But there are also Socialist countries that are NOT communist. So I thought I would review the differences between the two.

Socialism

Wikipedia says- Socialism refers to a broad set of economic theories of social organization advocating state or collective ownership and administration of the means of production and distribution of goods, and the creation of an egalitarian society. Modern socialism originated in the late nineteenth-century working class political movement. Karl Marx posited that socialism would be achieved via class struggle and a proletarian revolution which represents the transitional stage between capitalism and communism.

Socialists mainly share the belief that capitalism unfairly concentrates power and wealth among a small segment of society that controls capital and creates an unequal society. All socialists advocate the creation of an egalitarian society, in which wealth and power are distributed more evenly, although there is considerable disagreement among socialists over how, and to what extent this could be achieved.

Now granted, there are different degrees of socialism, which i will not fully go into at this time. Now Marx had written many things about socialism and was buddies with Lenin (who was not all evil in Soviet history, that was Stalin because he was paranoid). Granted they were making an ideology and making a manifesto. Like all good plans, you really need to see it go into action in order to tweak and fine tune.

Socialism is liberal. More people (preferably everyone) have some say in how the economy works. Democracy is liberal. More people (preferably everyone) have some say in how the government works. "Democracy," said Marx, "is the road to socialism." He was wrong about how economics and politics interact, but he did see their similar underpinnings.

In 1951, the Socialist International was re founded by the European social democratic parties. It declared: "Communism has split the International Labour Movement and has set back the realisation of Socialism in many countries for decades... Communism falsely claims a share in the Socialist tradition. In fact it has distorted that tradition beyond recognition. It has built up a rigid theology which is incompatible with the critical spirit of Marxism."

In 1945, the British Labour Party, led by Clement Attlee, was elected to office based upon a radical, socialist program. Socialist and Communist parties dominated the post-war French, Italian, Czechoslovak, Belgian, Norwegian, and other, governments. In Sweden, the Social Democratic Party held power from 1936 to 1976 and then again from 1982 to 1991 and from 1994 to 2006. Labour parties governed Australia and New Zealand. In Germany, the Social Democrats lost in 1949.

So really it's not so scary. It's not a dictatorship and it's just making the playing ground a bit more level. I like the idea that the workers, who help the fat cats get rich, get their share of the pot. And hell, look at Sweden. Bet most of you had no idea it was Socialist. No granted, i am not saying- YEAH! let's all be socialists... but we should know what it is. This of course has it's flaws too.

Communism

Wikipedia states- Communism is a socioeconomic structure and political ideology that promotes the establishment of an egalitarian, classless society based on common ownership of the means of production and property in general. Karl Marx posited that communism would be the final stage in human society, evolving into a classless, stateless society of "pure communism". Leninists have attempted to produce communist societies by setting up political parties, which in some cases have become governments. These attempts have never produced the "pure" communist societies envisioned by Marx, and have led to totalitarian states.

Communism is usually considered to be a branch of socialism, a broad group of social and political ideologies, which draws on the various political and intellectual movements with origins in the work of theorists of the Industrial Revolution and the French Revolution. Communism attempts to offer an alternative to the problems believed to be inherent with capitalist economies and the legacy of imperialism and nationalism. Communism states that the only way to solve these problems is for the working class, or proletariat, to replace the wealthy bourgeoisie, which is currently the ruling class, in order to establish a peaceful, free society, without classes, or government. The dominant forms of communism, such as Leninism, Stalinism, Maoism and Trotskyism are based on Marxism, but non-Marxist versions of communism (such as Christian communism and anarchist communism) also exist. In the schema of historical materialism, communism is the idea of a free society with no division or alienation, where mankind is free from oppression and scarcity. A communist society would have no governments, countries, or class divisions.

Communism is conservative. Fewer and fewer people (preferably just the Party Secretary) have any say in how the economy works. Republicans are conservative. Fewer and fewer people (preferably just people controlling the Party figurehead) have any say in how the government works. The conservatives in the US are in the same position as the communists in the 30s, and for the same reason: Their revolutions failed spectacularly but they refuse to admit what went wrong.

A common mistake is to confuse Socialism, the economic system, with Communism, the political system. Communists are "socialist" in the same way that Republicans are "compassionate conservatives". That is, they give lip service to ideals they have no intention of practicing.

During the communist reign, they were to remain atheist. No religious icons were allowed. Only images of Lenin or Stalin. The posters showed off the workers and the hammer and sickle. Walking around Moscow two summers ago, I got to see how it has all changed. How the poor were extremely poor while the rich were extremely rich. There were stark differences. They were proud of the workers and showed it off wherever they could. I saw the iconic hammer and sickle on everything and images of wheat. They have taken down a lot of the statues and discarded them as rubbish, but they do still exist everywhere you look. Granted in the Kremlin, there are the churches and the government, along with tombs of past Czar's. At one point they were going to tear down St. Basil's Cathedral because of the opposition to religion.

How I see all this is that Socialism is an ideal way to live. Where we are all one and the little man is helped by the bigger man. Break down the barriers of class. This sounds nice. Utopia. Granted, that ever really happening will never be. That is how i see communism. It was someone that took a great idea, but still felt that need to have power and prove themselves above others. It made socialism bad. Granted, we have these images in our minds of these "evil" people that are in control of these communist countries. But all in all, that is what they are... evil. They have lost their minds and the greed of power has taken them over. Look at Fidel Castro. He wasn't a horrible man... he just wanted to give the country back to the people. The world made him the way he is now.

Now I want all the crazy talk about Obama going into the office and making the country a socialist state. So, with a little history lesson under your belt, just don't end up being this guy Freaking scary.

Ahhh a Nice to Have a Little Color to Zest things up

2008-11-05T12:01:00.016-05:00

Like I say to the white belts when they take their first test and get a yellow stripe on their belt- It's nice to see a little color on that belt. Well i feel the same way now. It's nice to add some color to that stark white White House. I don't like my walls all white.... and all white areas scare me. Yep. They really do. So i hope this scares the SHIT out of all the racist assholes out there and have them live like I was for the past 8 years.... in fear of what may come.... (*side note.... this coming from a very white girl... hehe)

This illustration was perfect. Check out Patrick Moberg. His other work is really nice too!

A Sigh of Relief

2008-11-05T00:39:00.003-05:00

it happened. It finally happened! I am so glad to see that the country woke up and did what was right. It makes me feel so much happier. What a relief. Especially after these crazy conversations i had today with a republican. She claimed Obama is the next Hitler and that he is going to get rid of the constitution. There was a lot more on top of that. I am just amazed. Amazed at all that crazy. And that was PURE crazy. I am glad that Obama won. I am glad that this will prove to our nation, and to the racist assholes out there, that yes a Black man is nothing to be scared of. He is not going to give our money to the ghettos and be a black panther state. He is not buddies with Ayers and Acorn did NOT get him elected. This is really what people think. He is not effecting your 401K, and he will not get rid of our freedom of speech or our right to bear arms. Maybe he should reinstate the draft. This will make everyone think first before reacting. He is not outsourcing our military to the UN. And no, the coal mines will stay where they are. And yes, his crazy minister will be crazy, but hell, don't we all know crazy? These are all things that were thrown at me today.

I told a friend of mine, whose father is a church organist. He knew a guy growing up from grade school to high school. This guy was the son of a mafia don. So does that make her father a mafia person? or do stuff that the mafia would do? No. He was and is a church organist. I met her father. He's really that. He is not mafia. just because you know someone does not mean you are that person.

All in all... i need sleep. I will sleep soundly. Might not want to wake up, in hopes it wasn't all a dream. I don't want to wake up to find that the states have changed, like the past 2 elections. But i am willing to take that chance. Here's to change! And thank you America for noticing that we needed this change.

The Day has FINALLY come

2008-11-04T12:47:00.004-05:00

Ahhh yes. Here it is. The day of decision. Please please please don't let this be dragged out for multiple days. I want a clear winner. None of this hanging chads, none of this recount. I want honesty and fairness. Even if McCain does win, I want him to win because he ran a clean race... not because of mysterious reasons. I just want this limbo over with. I want my gut to not be clenched any more and my nerves to not be frazzled. I just want it over with. It's been great for the media, something to talk about and twist and manipulate, but honestly I am tired of taking what they give me and trying to figure out what it really means.

Yes, that is the line i was in this morning to vote. Granted, that was for District 15, where ever that was. I am in District 13 (lucky number 13) so I got to go right inside and vote. Wish they had come out and told us right away so I didn't have to wait in that line for a half hour. But I am glad I did, and would have waited for hours if need be to vote. I did my duty and am proud of myself. I now have every right to bitch if McCain is president and feel proud that I voted for Obama if he gets elected.

Now i just have to wait. People are having parties to watch the results and a local sex shop is offering free "Maverick" vibrators if you voted. So go figure. I can go get a beer and get off! HA! I think i even saw something about Starbuck's giving away something too. Getting anyone and everyone to vote.

What is sad are the people haven't decided. I mean come on... if you have gotten to this point and you have no idea, then you should not be allowed to vote. How can you have no idea? Have you lived in a cave? Are you deaf, dumb and blind? A simpleton perhaps? How can you even pick out what you will wear each day? Do you have someone that does simple things like that for you daily? What is wrong with you?

All in all... hopefully i won't have to go into a political uproar anymore (or for the next 4 years). But i can sigh and take a deep breath because i did my part... hope you did too.

Missed the Show?

2008-11-03T10:47:00.002-05:00

What? You couldn't stay awake for the show? You didn't suffer through it with me? I understand. It happens. Granted the next day I was a mess, not being able to really fall asleep and the morning activities happening around the house doesn't help either. Especially when your dog keeps hopping on and off the bed and coming up to you with his wet nose. Thanks Bosco... mommy's trying to sleep... Then I took a MUCH needed nap at like 3:45 pm and didn't really wake up until 6 pm. It was deep. All those plans of going grocery shopping and cleaning the house were falling away from my productive grasp. But it's okay. I did get to go grocery shopping that evening, right before the store closed. And the next evening was a good start at cleaning the house. It all gets done at some point, right?

Granted, that will be the shift i get for a while. Part of the initiation, right? Joining the club of all the other dj's who have had to work out their kinks in the middle of the night. Let those little things slip by. Of course, I think if you weren't half awake, things wouldn't fully slip by as easily. So for those of you that missed it, it has been archived. And so will the future ones. If you wanna listen, you can go here to listen. Lemme know what you think. All i have to say is- HOT DOGS

WoooHoooo!

2008-10-28T09:41:00.003-04:00

I am so freaking excited! I almost can't sit here and concentrate... I want to run around and do a little dance. That is how excited i am. I will get to do my first ever LIVE show on WFMU this coming saturday. It will be the first official Underwater Theme Park. I am not even nervous... I have a list ready. The show will be THIS Friday/Saturday night/morning from 2 am until 6 am! Yes, when you are all rolling back in from your Halloween night- all drunk and shit, you can listen to me, spinning tunes about Halloween. Basically, I will be doing what my podcast was... except LONGER! I gotta change out some songs due to FCC regulations and swears... but all in all i am psyched!

So for those of you that want to listen.... you have a couple ways of doing this:

- Locally- you can tune in 91.1 on your FM dial.

- Far away you can listen online at www.wfmu.org. I will be posting up my playlist, so you can listen and comment on the site there.

- For those of you with itunes, you can go to your itunes radio section and click on Public. From there, scroll down to where you see: WFMU 128 kbps The freeform station of the nation, from Jersey City NJ

That is this Friday/Saturday night/morning from 2 am to 6 am (EST). so figure it out to where you are, and you shall find me! Woohoo!

Halloween Podcast Post

2008-10-27T22:09:00.002-04:00

The new Halloween episode is up on Underwater Theme Park. It's a long episode, with a special guest DJ. So come have fun with us! Let me know what you think! Comments are always welcome!

Oh My Record Fair Addiction

2008-10-24T14:12:00.002-04:00

So this weekend is the infamous WFMU record fair. This will be my 8th year, I think, volunteering. I am working on Saturday morning at the LP table and then shopping afterwards. Thank god they have a beer station there. I know I will need a break. That room is overflowing with music. It's nutty. Seriously, halfway through my eyeballs are hurting. And then you have the issues of seeing the album you want, but then you want to hold out to see if you can get it elsewhere cheaper. Then of course, you forget where you first found it.

In years past, I have tried going in with specific missions. One year i was looking for 1950's latin mambo/salsa/cha cha records. Now, mind you, I had no experience of who I should be looking for. I just went by the cover art. (Yes, this is how I buy wine too, but not beer... I know how to find me a tasty pint). One year i just hit the dollar bins. Another I had specific albums I was looking for. This year i am stumped. Now that I have an amazing record library at my disposal, I have gone blank. I have no clue what I want. Not one idea. I haven't bought any music in months. I have downloaded so much stuff from the station, I can barely listen to all of the new stuff.

Also, with the my Underwater Theme Park podcasts, I have had to find lots of new music to fit the themes. I have had to find new music for that show and the one on Shanty Raidio. On top of that, I have my journals I keep to write down songs that fit specific themes, for when i get to do a fill in late at night (2am-6am shift... kill me). I have yet to do one, but I need to be prepared. I am getting ready to do a new Halloween theme podcast as well. Hopefully tonight, if they haven't fully stripped away all the equipment I need at the station.

So I welcome suggestions for music to look for. Help me please! Help me find new fun and exciting music.

11 Days More....

2008-10-24T10:38:00.003-04:00

God, I can't wait 11 more days. I can't listen to any more of this insanity for 11 more days. I think even the rest of the world is unable to bare the next 11 days hoping that this country makes the right decision. I just want to stop hearing all the blames and finger pointing. I want Sarah Palin to just disappear. I can't listen to her anymore. I don't give a shit how much she spent on her outfit. And no shit they flew the entire family out to the convention. This are all obvious things. I am just am tired of hearing how "American" or "Un-American" everyone is. I am just tired of the country being split up in these categories. I am almost at the point where if it comes down to McCain/Palin winning, I will need to leave this country. I threatened to leave the last election when Bush won for his second term. I even looked into moving to Canada. I got friends up in Montreal. I would have totally lived there. I just had that "speak French" issue. That and I don't know how I would have done anything in the art field there. But I think if this time around happens, I think New York will secede. I feel like we have been insulted enough. But as usual, I think that Jon Stewart and the Daily Show said it best. Here are two clips from the same show. All I can say is- BRILLIANT

How people find my blog

2008-10-22T23:16:00.003-04:00

I know who is looking at this... i see where you are all from and how you find me. I see the random google questions or words that are entered that somehow come to my site. I also see the image searches that happen too. I know how long you all stay logged on and what you last looked at or clicked out with. I see all this. Granted, it's fascinating. But it is also kinda odd. For the past couple weeks people have been looking for this one image that I posted back in May. I HOPE they were looking for me cause the title was Stress... but no. It's because of the line up of various bullets. Kinda scary, eh? I know why I had put the bullets as my image, because of a sculpture that was using them and I was nervous about not getting them in time for the show. But what in the world are you all looking at bullets for? I want to know! And why a sudden surge? Is there something I don't know about?

Now I don't own a gun or have ever held a real one in my hands. I know, hard to believe. I love when friends from the South are convinced that people who live in NYC are ravaged by gangs and there are guns everywhere. I tell them that I don't have a gun or used/held one and they are amazed. Then of course i have a follow up question asking how many they have and it is of course an artillery. Amazing eh?

Busy Busy Busy

2008-10-21T18:19:00.003-04:00

Wow, I have been busy, hence the lame postings lately. At least i have left you with interesting current event things. I am ready to collapse. I feel a possible cold trying to sneak up on me which sucks. I had that feeling for a while, but you know if you are too busy, they won't happen. It happens the second you can sit and relax. So alas, I am currently fighting this cold.

It's been busy since the show I had with my guitar piece. I haven't heard anything about the show since i was there. I have just been too busy to even swing by and check it out. The following weekend I went up to Massachusetts to go to my friend's wedding. It was a really great wedding. My husband was the best man and had known our friend Bob for 30 years. It was just an overall fun wedding. I knew it would be. I went to high school with him, but he was two years after me, so I didn't know their friends. But they all knew who i was, since i had been with my now husband since high school. I was known as the girl with the bright green eyes. Since i knew there would be old high school people, and most likely I went to school with their older siblings, I made sure I looked my best. I had to make sure I became the "token" wife. I think i did a good job. The whole affair was an entire weekend long, so there was not much free time.

Last weekend my mother came down to visit. This was not a crazy weekend, but I still had to entertain. Granted, I came back from Massachusetts on that Monday, had to go to a couple events during the week and then my mom showed up that Friday night. Not much time to get the house in order. Then of course a completely empty fridge. I think we had condiments.... that was about it. We took her around Jersey and just hung out watching the Red Sox play against the Rays. That game was good, as we had won, but the next night lost. Should have had my mom stay... maybe that is what jinxed it.

This coming weekend is the WFMU record fair. I am working it in the morning on Saturday, but i don't know if I feel up to actually shopping. Since working here, I get first dibs on all the new music, so I don't have much need for anything new. I am still not fully caught up on the stuff i have downloaded. But of course, I am a music junky, so I know once i am in there i will have that need/desire to rummage through. Ohhh record fair, how you make me need you..... I will also be board op-ing for Sunday.

So maybe one day i will get to sit and rest. Maybe clean up from my last sculpture project. Just so long that I don't get sick....

Have I Said that I LOVE the Daily Show? Have I?

2008-10-15T15:20:00.001-04:00

Another Fun Site to play with

2008-10-15T14:29:00.001-04:00

Just in case you were wondering what it would be like to have Sarah Palin as President....

My Feelings Exactly

2008-10-14T10:54:00.002-04:00

I found this image over at Jules Joyce's The Fighter Writer "Playing House" illustrated by Zina Saunders. Look at how perfectly art and politics went together saying exactly how i feel.... thank you Jules for finding this image!

Nick Cave... or is it Nick Cave?

2008-10-07T12:08:00.009-04:00

So I was originally going to comment on my love of Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds. That was the original post. On how the concert was amazing and even with his dirty child molester style mustache, I still thought he was hot. It's just something about that stage presence that makes you look past that sleazy look he is rocking lately. Kind of looking like Kevin Dillon from Entourage actually. Yes this post was going to be all about that....

It was going to be about how I had seen him before and that he amazes me everytime i see him. About how I love how his songs are so layered and brooding and the technical quality of the actual songs. Where they have so many layers and that they are just composed so amazingly well. How the musicians are such AMAZING musicians. Yeah this post was going to be all about how good the musicians are. How Warren Ellis uses his violin as a guitar to play the distorted sounds and his electric mandolin being used to not sound at all like a mandolin. I was going to write all about that....

But as I was looking up images for this post, trying to find actual photos of the show I went to, I came across an artist, named Nick Cave. Not the same Nick Cave mind you. This Nick Cave created these "Soundsuits". This is the gallery's blurb about the art:

Opening on October 13, 2006, Jack Shainman Gallery is pleased to present Soundsuits, an exhibition of mixed-media, wearable sculptures by Chicago-based artist Nick Cave. Concurrently his work is on view at the Museum of Contemporary Art Toronto, Mass Art, Boston, MA, the Salina Art Center, Kansas and the Zacheta National Gallery of Art, Warsaw. He was recently the subject of a solo exhibition at the Chicago Cultural Center, IL (2006), as well as the group exhibition Freestyle Frequency, Studio Museum in Harlem, New York, NY (2005). Upcoming solo exhibitions in 2007 include the Jacksonville Museum of art, FL, the Telfair Museum, Savannah, GA and the Cornell Fine Arts Museum, FL. Cave has received several prestigious awards including the Joyce Award (2006), Creative Capital Grants (2002, 2004 and 2005), and the Louis Comfort Tiffany Foundation Award (2001). This will be the artist’s first solo exhibition at the Jack Shainman Gallery. On view will be a selection of works titled Soundsuits, named for the sounds made when the sculptures are worn Constructed from found and recycled objects, thrift-store purchases, and hand-fabricated elements and comprised of materials such as vintage masks, beads, plastic flowers, cloth, and sticks that are intuitively combined to form complex and highly seductive visual surfaces. Reminiscent of African ceremonial costumes, yet similarly connected to haute couture, Cave’s Soundsuits are physical manifestations of his energy. He has said, ‘I believe that the familiar must move towards the fantastic. I want to evoke feelings that are unnamed, that aren’t realized except in dreams.’ Thus, through the acts of collecting and reconfiguring, Cave explores and reiterates cultural, ritualistic and ceremonial concepts. Concurrently, his focus on the connotations of materials as a way to construct narratives, coupled with the fact that the wearer is at times completely concealed, allows the work to transcend preconceived notions of class, race, and sexuality. Cave, who studied fiber arts at the Cranbrook Academy of Art, is Associate Professor and Chairman of the Fashion Department at the School of the Art Institute of Chicago

He now teaches at the school i graduated from. It's nice to come across something without expecting it... I instantly feel in love with these pieces and thought they needed to be shared. Enjoy the art and the Nick Cave videos....

Speaking Another Language

2008-10-02T12:55:00.004-04:00

I feel like I am speaking another language today. Everything, no matter if I put it in layman's terms, still does not get understood. I will say the same thing a number of different ways and I am just getting blank stares or the person repeating the same thing that I was originally questioning. And it's not crazy questions... some are rather basic. Such as- Where is the curtain located? We are not sure what way we are facing. Are we facing the entrance of the room or are we facing the seating? The answer I receive is- the curtain is located at the back of the booth and is 8 ft high. See what i mean!

It may just be that time of the month, where i lose all patience with explaining things a hundred times. I am learning to just drop it and let it be. Just leave it alone as people are not getting it and I don't have the patience to explain it either... But that part of me inside is annoyed and frustrated. Luckily I have Tae Kwon Do tonight, so I have an outlet for my frustrations.

Part of it is also working with guys. I am the only girl in the office. There is another girl, finally, downstairs, but she is far removed from our conversations here. Every Wednesday we have our morning meeting, where my boss buys bagels and cream cheese. Every Wednesday, the same thing... So i comment how guys have no problems with having the same thing over and over, while women get bored with it and need change. My boss agreed that men are rather complacent when it comes to food. But my other coworker disagreed. I argued with him that he has had the same exact breakfast every single day since he has worked here and has no right to argue. He then argues that the reason he has the same meal is because of cost and protein for working out. But i followed it up by the fact that he has had the SAME exact thing, meaning it hasn't changed. He still argues it's cause of cost and nutritional value. He has a hard boiled egg (just whites), a chunk of orange cheddar cheese and a couple slices of ham. Every day. I have seen this same breakfast. I said that there are other breakfast options out there, being cereal, cottage cheese (which has a ridiculous amount of protein in it), we have a stove top where he could make an egg white omelet (which is what i used to do at an old job), fruit, etc. He shot each one down which different reasons, but in the end, he is having the same EXACT meal! So I dropped the argument, as it was going nowhere and I had proven my point.

So either I am speaking in another language or my patience has completely run dry...

* Thanks to Joanne Parkin for the illustration.. looking forever for one!

Exciting News

2008-09-30T17:30:00.004-04:00

There is a smile as big as the Cheshire Cat on my face right now. I got the message right before the train pulled out of the station. I could barely contain my happiness. The kind where you see someone breakout into a huge smile, as though they are thinking of a loving thought or are reminded of something that just happened moments ago. I got an email from the radio station. The station manager FINALLY listened to my podcast that I had been doing. He said:

I'm listening to the Time episode you recorded and you sound really good! I will add you to the late night fill-in list, but how do you feel about doing 3-4 hour long shows? Is that something you're interested in, or did you want to stick to one hour thematic shows?

Like Sally Field said in accepting her Academy award- You like me.... you really really like me! It is the first recognition i have received from someone other than close friends and family. It is from someone who does this for a living. I am just happy to be a fill in for the time being. It's a step towards something more of my own. How come good and bad things come in waves? Can't they equal themselves out? Like, wow, I had a shitty day... oh hey, there is a twenty dollar bill on the ground!

Another Sculpture Done

2008-09-30T13:24:00.003-04:00

Ahhh, yes. It is done. My second stratocaster style guitar sculpture is completed. I get to drop it off tonight and Mark from Metropolis will make it an official working guitar. I am very pleased with how it turned out. It is nice to know that even though i didn't originally have the tools to accomplish this, I found a way and got it done. I think that makes me happier than the actual piece itself. That knowledge that I can get something done in a short amount of time and find a way to get the tools I need. I do need to drop off a case of beer to the guys at the auto place for their use of the welder. But all in all, I like how it turned out. I am curious how it will sound too. Granted it's not light, and someone may not be able to play it for a full set... but hey, they will look like a true ROCKSTAR! I have name it the "Geartar". It's corny, but one of the guys at my work said it and i couldn't get it out of my head, so alas.... that is the name. Lemme know what you all think! I will hopefully get better pics soon.

Things that make me smile

2008-09-29T10:43:00.003-04:00

Lately my dog follows me into the bathroom in the morning. It's cute. He has always been afraid of the bathroom and the tile floors. I think it's from when we used to bathe him and the bad memories. He goes insane when he is wet and does this crazy run around the apartment where his back legs move faster than his front. It even happens if he got wet in the rain. Since we have long ago given up on doing that and paying someone else, he must have finally gotten over the bad memories. But now every morning if i leave the door open, he will come in and sit on the rug while I sit on the can. It's funny. Something about it makes me happy and smile. Also makes me just want to stay home and snuggle with him all day. Can someone pay me to snuggle with my dog all day and make him happy?

Many Thoughts.....

2008-09-26T16:00:00.002-04:00

I wish I could just speak into the computer, have it write down all my thoughts. it would make things sooo much easier. I have a bit of relief from work right now, as my boss is out of town. Funny huh? I prefer him away and not doing any work over him here working. Go figure.

I have been really busy busting ass on my guitar. It is looking good and I have made great progress with it. I am trying to get it all finished by this weekend in order to give Mark at Metropolis Music enough time to rewire and string the guitar. That and I know he will be doing that for all the artists along with finishing his own guitar. I am just concerned with the "working" parts of it. I need to somehow make sure they stick in place without welding them.... but if i NEED to bring it back to work to get welded... then so be it. I just won't get it done this weekend. I just don't want to lug the damn thing around! It's heavy!

I am also busy thinking and trying to plan the new business opportunity. I have been talking it over with Jess and we are trying to figure out how it will run and work. Just need to have time to sit down and draw up some sort of game plan, but we both have been crazy busy with our guitars. I have talked to some people in the area and pitched the idea and so far everyone likes it. So, who knows. Once the next two weeks are out of the way, hopefully I will be able to clear my mind from everything and really get down to some serious planning. The main concern is a location to do this. Especially with an industrial type of project. Those spaces are a little more hard to come by in a downtown area. So there is that and insurance. That is the part that scares me even more! So we shall see.

I am doing better and my melt down drama has disappeared. Thanks for the kind words everyone. As long as I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel... that will help!

Co-op for Artists, Follow up to the Weeks and Progress

2008-09-23T18:12:00.004-04:00

Well the past few weeks at work have been shaky as you all have read. It has been tough and I am feeling like I need more than just a mental health day, but a mental health month. On Thursday, I was talking to my coworker, who has been dealing with the same crap I have been. He was worried about me and wanted to make sure I was okay. He joggled something in me, and said- Hey, if our boss can have a company and not go under... and hell I am the one practically running it, then I should be able to do something on my own. He had told me how a group of writers had gotten together to make something work, why couldn't a bunch of artists?

So I left him thinking about this and having my mind reel in what I would be able to do. I then thought of my art situation lately for this recent project, where I have to beg local businesses to let me use their welders and tools. It has been frustrating and it would be so nice to have something around me where I could just go in and do some work and use tools.... I want to create an artist co-op. I want a place where local artists can come in and use a shop and create their work. I could have classes, teaching people how to weld, use the tools, make molds, cast waxes... have work ready for an art foundry. I can also do it for you too, as I have experience in that. Hell, I can even contact an art foundry to have something cast, since i do still have connections with one. This is what I would be good at. This is what i would ENJOY doing. And hell... I COULD USE IT!

So my mind is working and thinking and planning and needing to pick brains on how to start a business. What do i need? how do I do it? Do people WANT this? So I had a nice weekend, unwinding and thinking. Thinking of an out from where I am now. Well, I came in to work on Monday to find out that I messed up on a job. I had posted that the client only wanted one sculpture, when there was supposed to be two. They caught the mistake and all was good, which is a relief. This has happened before, as I am human and mistakes do happen, but it doesn't happen that often. Maybe like 3 or at MOST 4 times in my 3+ years working there. So my boss starts in on me saying- well this isn't the first time, and what are we going to do to resolve this? You don't look at the board at what is posted (lie) and you aren't double checking all your stuff (lie). I said, I am sorry, it was obviously a mistake, as i am human and not a robot. I will try harder next time to make sure this doesn't happen. Well, no that didn't fly. What are we going to do to make sure it doesn't happen again? I suggested having someone else double check my work, since I am overseeing the error. No, bad answer again. He doesn't want to have more people doing these extra jobs. What are we going to do if it happens again? I am fed up, crying and frustrated, just say- I don't know.... fire me. If I am doing such a shitty job, fire me. He then starts to back pedal...oh no... you are an important part of the team... you mean a lot to the company.... you are needed.... BULLSHIT. Oh, afraid? Interesting how all of a sudden I am respected. I then respond to this- well, it just doesn't always feel that way. I also threw in there at some point- Have you thought that we are all being overworked and need a break?

Well i spent all of yesterday on the verge of tears. I was holding back all the things i wanted to yell at him. He had made statements about my other projects I am working on, insinuating that these were maybe occupying my mind and not allowing me to work. I said, ummm no... I am allowed to have a life outside of work. He then said, yeah well you been working on your sculpture and all.... Yeah, i have been working on my sculpture- ON MY BREAKS! Unlike him where he has one of the guys working on his own project during company time. FUCK YOU. And I leave early from work ONE day a week to go to the radio station. It's not like I do it all week long. And he approved it too! He's been the one that is preoccupied. His mind has been on what HE can get from jobs. I was fighting back rage and trying as hard as I could to not say anything.

So I suffered through work. It drained me. I ran over to the auto shop around the corner, during my lunch, to ask them if it would be okay if I could come by after work to use their welder and stuff. Joe, one of the owners, said sure! So I knew I had an opportunity to go do something for me. That was the only thing that kept me at work. I left work with all my metal and got ready to do some work. I was at the auto shop from 5pm to 11pm. I got to cut and weld and do all the major work that I have been freaking about. I made progress. And the best part was that they let me do everything on my own. They gave me free reign of their stuff. They helped me hold things in place, but I welded, I ground the metal, i cut the metal. It was all me. They were even impressed with my welding, which is kind of funny since it was MIG and that is not my best one. I left there at 11 pm, tired and relieved. I was proud of myself for getting that work done. I was proud that I changed that day around. I made it about me... not my boss. So a little progress... but please let me get a new job soon! Oh, and i am leaving you with a sneak peek of what i am working on...

4th Street Music and Art Festival

2008-09-18T15:41:00.003-04:00

This is what i am working on currently. I am in the process of making another guitar for this event. I just need time to weld my stuff together next door, but granted i am asking a business, and of course if they are busy, I have to wait. I am anxious. I am not far off from being done and can see the end near. I just need that damn welder. That and a few more gears. hmmm curious what it is going to look like? well i just have to make you all wait. hehe. Hell i am curious too! So we shall wait and see! I'll of course post once it's finished. And if you are in the area, let me know. the big festival is Oct 4th, where the guitars will be displayed. I will be there in the afternoon, but I have a concert that evening. Mr Nick Cave with his Bad Seeds will be expecting me. And there is no way in HELL that i am missing it. He wins over my art!

Two Music Sites

2008-09-17T12:54:00.002-04:00

Ah yes. I am a busy girl. Along with my gig at WFMU and Underwater Theme Park, I am also doing a podcast on Shanty Raido as well. It is in the same vein as the other, but this is using unknown bands, so we are a legit site. This is fun because I have to do a different kind of research, finding bands and music that is good enough to play. So go ahead and listen. Oh, and by the way.... I am Oppenheim on the Shanty Raidio site. Let me know what you think!

Mental Health Day

2008-09-16T18:06:00.004-04:00

so what is going on with our country? crazy presidential race with lots of amnesia, lehman brothers goes out of business, government takes over fannie mae and freddie mac, stock market diving and possibly other huge companies going down or being bought out. it's amazing to watch our country self destruct. who do we blame?

ahh the infamous blame. no one can take the blame themselves... it must be shifted onto someone else. that seems to be the trend at work as well. i am getting frustrated a lot lately and it's for stuff i didn't do. my boss has been away for pretty much all of august. during that time i was the one that headed up the office and took over all the sales. granted august is our slowest month, but i did do a lot of sales, especially with the way our economy has been. but since my boss has come back, he's been sloppy and not really caring about his job. he came back concerned with a mural he plans on painting on the other coast for his friend. he has occupied his time thinking about himself. he was worried about jobs, and up my ass about the ones i was working on, but not enough to take on some himself. granted, i sit in an office and see where money is going to. he had a guy work on graphics for HIS mural, using company time and money. he bartered laser eye surgery for a sculpture for some guys dog. yes, that is correct. when i questioned him about the sculpture he said- it's jobs like these that pay the bills. i rhetorted with the fact that no not this one, this one is giving you eye surgery, not a paid bill. then later that day our landlord came in wondering where the rent was. this was followed by- give me a little more time. oh? really?

this is partially why it is tough. i see where and not where money flows to. it's hard to separate your feelings from it since i have only had one raise in the 3 years of working there and busting my ass. but i still believe you should have your employees back. i had a client, my boss' client, give me attitude and refuse to correspond with me. i do graphics, along with sales, for the company. this means i am the one that prints out all the logos for our clients. this client was freaking out and saying he was "having nightmares" about these logos not being done correctly. since this client is a graphic company, we thought that one way to not have the client freak out would be for them to create the logos so he knows that they were done correctly. i also told him that i did have the logos but he could resend them to me to make sure they were correct. he spazzed out and thought i was making fun of him. he than proceeded to send an email to my coworker saying that he will not talk to me anymore. can we say drama queen?. anyways when we were talking about it later, my boss said that of course this guy would think that and took his side.

so today i am doing the many JOBS that my boss isn't doing and i start to print out the logos. the colors on them are light and won't show up well. He asks me whether i punched up the color, which would alter the colors and sometimes change the color. Now of course, I am already paranoid about this exact job, so I don't want to alter anything and I obviously am unable to contact him. So I tell my boss my concerns and say that since i am unable to contact him, he would have to. i also said something about not wanting to get yelled at for doing something that this client doesn't want. My boss then has the nerve to tell me that we are all playing for the same team and it's not an us vs them thing. My mouth almost hit the floor and I wanted to say something back in regards to this, but with last weeks tattle tale incident and the email saying he didn't want to work with me on Friday, I figured it was time to shut my mouth and not say a word. He then left and I was so mad. I wanted to scream. My coworker saw how upset i was and came over to give me a hug. he knows my frustrations, since he is one of the few that sees things the same way I do.

So needless to say, I think tomorrow is going to be a mental health day. I need to not be in that office. I know my fuse is very short right now and it is still very hot. I also know that if I don't show up, maybe this will make him actually have to do work. He will have to pick up for all the work that I have been doing for the past few days. And if he tries to contact me, fuck that. I am not being paid to answer your questions. figure it out, just like I do every day there. It's your company, right? Now act like it.

Tattle Tale

2008-09-09T18:09:00.003-04:00

So as you all may know, I have an arch nemesis. He works with me. I hate him. Hence being an arch nemesis, right? I am a good judge of character. I know whether I will like you or not rather quickly. I didn't like him from the moment I saw him...

Well he was working upstairs with me, across from me. It was one of those things where I kinda had be nice to him and show him the ropes. So I sucked it up and put my ego away and tried my hardest. Granted, if he said something stupid, it was obviously open season on his ass. And let me just say, he said stupid things all the time. He's one of those people that needs everyone to like them, the youngest in a large family. So it's a lot of- Look at me! Look at me!

Well, I am happy to say he is no longer working upstairs. He just wasn't cut out for that, even though he told my boss that he had lots of experience doing sales and that it runs in his family. What a suck up. Well it became obvious that he didn't inherit any of the skills. He can't multi-task if his life depended on it. Hell, he could barely do the one task at hand, at least not within an 8 hour period.

So he is now back downstairs and started this week. This sucks. For some reason, it went to his head. He is walking around like he is the best and can do everything in the company. He is bossy and telling people what to do and thinking he is managing the floor. This week is also when the office is getting an opportunity to go downstairs and carve. So he thinks he has a one up on all of us and points out obvious things like- Be Careful... there is sharp things down there. Yeah no shit Sherlock... give me another clue.

Well today, I had to finish a contract that he had started. I open up the information on the computer and look it over and notice that he charge certain things and didn't note about breakdowns or anything. I couldn't even find his paperwork for this job. All i could find was on the computer, which didn't have the correct information. So I go downstairs and ask him what is going on. I told him that he didn't put the correct information down and I don't know what is going on. I told him this in front of the other guys, not thinking that this is an issue. I mean hell, I need to know what is going on with HIS job. He started to get all defensive and my boss was at the top of the stairs wanting to know what was going on. I told both of them the story and said, hey i have no information on any of this and you didn't write in your proposal any of this information. He then says to me, well we didn't talk about that or we talked on the phone and the proposal wasn't final or anything. I look at him and say- The proposal tells our clients how much things cost. That is where we let them know there is a delivery fee and anything that may be not expected. We finally figure out how to rectify the problem and I send out the contract.

Well I leave early every Tuesday to go to the radio station. I get a phone call from my coworker to warn me that I was getting tattled on. He said he stood up for me and thought it was bullshit, especially since he knows how I work and knows what happened. I guess idiot boy was so upset that I "chewed" him out. He couldn't understand why i was so upset and mean to him. Like he is a little angel and did nothing wrong. My saving grace coworker said- Hey, she works hard up here and i don't blame her if she got frustrated by this. She had no information, picking up a job that had no information, and in the middle of doing her already heavy work load. She has every right to be frustrated and annoyed. The information wasn't correct. And if you thought she was being mean, well you took it wrong. She just likes thing to run smooth and does her job well. He then said, she had made mistakes, but goes out of her way when she has to right her wrong. She figures out how to fix it and make the client happy. He then said to my boss- am i right? Which then my boss agreed. He agreed with everything my wonderous coworker said. Basically shooting down idiot boy.

Supposedly, he is going to talk to me tomorrow about it. He thinks he got chewed out yesterday...pfft... just wait asshole. Oh and he did tattle on the guys downstairs saying that they weren't working as hard as they could. Guess his momma didn't have time to teach him that noone likes a tattle tale.

Funny Celebrity Moment

2008-09-08T23:20:00.005-04:00

I have had the opportunity to meet a lot of celebrities. I am not a huge celebrity fan, but i do take notice, if i realize who they are. I just don't get all starry eyed. I treat them like I would treat anyone else.

The town i grew up in, or i should say lived the longest, was the home town of Jay Leno. I pulled a lobster out of a tank for him twice at my first job. Then going to school in New York and Chicago, I had more celebrity meetings at my work. I worked up the street from the Steppenwolf theater, so Ethan Hawke and John Malkovich showed up to my part time job to get coffee. Even shot the shit with "Doogie Howser" when i worked at Urban Outfitters in Boston. I was even kinda bitchy to him, but he played with my sarcasm, so he gets kudos. Worst celebrity was by far Arnold Schwarzenegger. He had some book for kids, teaching kids about fitness. He kept punching the woman next to him to tell her to send the next kid to get their photo with him. He was such a phony. Once the TV camera was there, he was Mr HEY I AM FUN and then he would be a total douche.

But by far, the best celebrity moment i had was one I had nothing to do with. I happened to witness it. The reason i tell this story is because i saw a yogurt ad with Richard Simmons on it and it reminded me of how funny this story is. I was in Barney's in New York. I wasn't living here yet but was just going around to nice stores and doing some dream shopping. So because i had never been there before, I was just wandering around slowly and taking in all the nice stuff. I started at the top and worked my way down. I got to the second floor where all the housewares was. I was wandering around and hear this voice. Kinda whiny and high pitched gay man. I turn the corner and there he was. Richard Simmons. He was shopping for China. Yes. You know... the fancy stuff you put out on holidays for people to eat on. I look at him and my eyes bug out. It wasn't that he was there and it wasn't that it was him. It was more of the fact that he was wearing the tanktop with glitter/rhinestones with the short shorts. He was wearing the typical Richard Simmons outfits that you would normally see him in. I mean really! Who would wear that to go shop for China! I was dying of laughter inside. But what made it even more perfect was some snotty woman felt the need to say something to me. She turns to me and says under her breath- I can't believe he left the house wearing that! YES! What a wonderful way to round out that experience.

That commercial just reminded me of that story.

Saddened by Society- Two Stories

2008-09-03T13:26:00.004-04:00

It's unfortunate that people do stupid things and say even stupider things. With all that is going on today with politics, I think it brings out peoples true colors. Unfortunately the filters seemed to have popped off and i see people spewing filth and evil.

I was at a flea market this weekend, by Giants stadium. If you don't know where that is, it's not too far away from NYC in Jersey, hence it being for the New York Giants and New York Jets. Funny considering it really should be New Jersey Giants and Jets... but that is neither here nor there. I am not a football person, so I will not take on that argument. So I am continuing my search of art supplies for this upcoming project, looking through people's stuff and trying to find interesting metal parts that might work. I am at this one booth and i start to hear this conversation going on behind me:

Man: Obama! He's never going to win.... only the blacks are going to vote for them.

Woman: I LOVE OBAMA! He's great! He is a change for our country. He has a great vision.

Man: I don't know why you think he's going to win. McCain is better and way more experienced. Obama doesn't have experience and not enough support to win. The only people who are gonna vote for him are you people.

At this point i stop what i am doing and think... wow, am i really listening to this? I look over and see this little black lady, about 80 years old talking to this white guy who is about 40 something. I then decide, this is ridiculous. So i speak up:

Me: Umm I am voting for Obama and I don't give a shit what color he is. He represents change and not four more years of the same.

At this point the little lady smiles and me and shakes my hand knowing i got her back. There is another woman standing near us who is Latina and she is smiling at me too. I just smiled back at them and thinking, wow, what a total redneck... and not far from NYC! I can even see the skyline from the parking lot! Then his wife jumps in and starts laughing at us.

Wife of man: What has Obama done? What exactly has he done?

Me: other than being the senator of ILLINOIS? I mean really?! What will happen if McCain dies and Palin is in charge? (this was prior to all the info we have now about Palin) What has Palin done? Beside governing only about 10K people in ALASKA? She has no experience!

Wife of man: She's a woman! I would rather have a woman in there! (totally riding on Hillary's coat tails)

Man: All Obama is going to do if he gets in office is give all your money to those people (pointing at the little black lady).

Me: (awe struck) THOSE PEOPLE? Are you KIDDING ME?!

Man: yeah to the black people!

Me: WOW! I CAN'T BELIEVE I AM ACTUALLY LISTENING TO THIS! WHAT A FUCKING RACIST!

Man: You all leave my booth! I don't want your money! Go away!

Me: NOT A PROBLEM! I DON'T WANT TO BUY FROM A BUNCH OF IGNORANT RACIST REDNECKS!

Now granted this was the edited version. My friend Jess was with me, so she jumped in on all that too... We both walked away shaking with anger. And in total disbelief and awe. like what kind of person are you to actually say that kind of stuff outloud? and to a little black lady! like directly to her face! She has lived through all that racist bullshit in her life and had a fucking LOSER try to bring her down. What a total asshole. We did have a guy come up to us after and basically agree with us about what a jerk that guy was. But the entire time, all we could think was how much we wanted to yell at them and tell them they are horrible people. We didn't. I said, it's not worth it. He's not hearing any of it.

STORY 2
As of late, i have harassed on the subway. When i ride the subway, i pay no attention to what is around me. i am Helen Keller to the world. I have my Ipod on and reading a book. Been doing that for about 5 years now, haven't had any issues with that until recently.

I am sitting on the train and this woman sitting next to me taps me on the shoulder. I look over and see a heavy set black woman. I take my earphone out and say, yes? She then tells me- You are kicking me. Well, i KNOW i wasn't kicking her. I had my music low and wasn't "rocking out" to anything. I was actually engrossed in my book, so the music was really background noise. Now I was wearing a skirt and had my legs crossed, being lady like. I figured what must have happened was when the train would start and stop, it jerks my leg. So i said back to her- Umm, i am sorry, but i don't think i was kicking you. And if i did, it was unintentional.

Now that was not what she wanted to hear. Granted, i am not exactly sure what she wanted to hear, but that wasn't it. She looks at me and continues to say- YOU WERE KICKING ME. I look at her and say, Umm no i wasn't. She then says, well if you didn't have your legs crossed and just sat there with both your feet on the ground... I just look at her and realize she is just crazy. I put my earphones back on and go back to reading. I don't want to fight with crazy. She then proceeds to preach to the entire train car about how rude i am for kicking her and how i won't put both my feet on the ground. I basically try to ignore her, but like i said, my music was low, so i could hear her well. Then i hear her say- If you gonna keep kicking me, then i am going to kick you! I then turn to her and say- that is assault. (pre-meditated in fact, so anything i would have done would be considered self defense)

Now one thing you should know... as a person who is about to get her black belt in Tae Kwon Do, I really really want to try out what i have learned. I have never in my life been in a fight and now that i know what to do, i really kinda wanna try it out. Now of course i am NOT GOING TO, but if the chance arose.... hells yeah. I kinda wanted her to kick me. I also kinda wanted to say to her- look, trust me when i say this, but you would know if i kicked you as you would be in serious pain afterwards. But no, i just sat there and tried to think of what i could do that would piss her off. Yes, i wanted revenge... but i rather the mind games of it. Something that will drive them mental without me doing really anything. I figured, she was annoyed that i wouldn't argue with her, so what would make it worse is if i just laughed. That way she would know i wasn't taking her seriously and didn't care at that point. I could feel the heat coming off of her. As she continues to preach to the car, i am chuckling to myself and shaking my head as though saying to myself, i can't believe this is actually happening to me. Luckily my stop was next and i got off. I was kinda hoping she would do something, but she didn't. As I was walking up the stairs, another woman taps me on the shoulder and twirls her finger by her ear giving me the international sign for crazy. I smile and laugh and say- yeah thanks... that is why i was laughing. It was just nice to know that someone else thought the same.

So yes, crazy is in the air... Either that or I have a sign on me that i don't see that says- Please fuck with me. I am not making eye contact... i am not provoking it. I am just lucky I guess. I just wish people would stop being ignorant assholes. Yes we all gotta live together and figure out how to do it. If you are going to be openly racist, then go live in the woods away from other people. Isolate yourself so you don't have to deal with other races and people in general. It's 2008... let's grow up. And if you can't deal with crowded subways, where there isn't much room and think everyone is out to get you, then don't live in a city. The subways are crowded and yes, unfortunately we are going to have to touch one another at times. it's sometimes gross, but we are all in it together. Just be respectful. I said i am sorry and said it was unintentional. Move on...

Rummaging Around

2008-08-26T18:11:00.003-04:00

Yet again, i have a deadline. I love it and hate it at the same time. I love it cause i get to allot time and plan ahead to get this project done. I hate it, cause i don't want to let anyone down, as i think i had mentioned last year in regards to this same exact project. I also am a little scared that I won't be able to find the materials i need. This past weekend i went to a flea market, with my friend Area Woman, in search for possible art supplies. These are the best places for me to find what i need. Unfortunately, the flea markets around me are like Dollar stores. They sell new products, like car mats and soap and old food in boxes. I don't understand how this is flea market wares.... I want that flea market where grandma and grandpa are clearing out their house of crap and put it in a little booth. i want the flea market from "Mall Rats". I want to spend hours and hours going through stuff and wondering- what is this used for?

I, of course, find almost everything but what i need. I bought an old fan, which i am a great (pardon the pun) fan of. I did find 3 old metal gears too, but nothing else. And when you ask people what you are looking for, they immediately need to know what you are using it for. Who are you? What do you do? I remember once i had to convince this guy that his container full of keys is not worth anything. I don't care if they went to a hotel that doesn't exist anymore or an old '57 Ford car. That is besides the point. They are keys that go to nothing... you gonna sell them to me or not? Who is going to buy the ENTIRE container of keys? And who is going to buy each key individually? And you want $20 for it?! Needless to say, i am a proud owner of all these keys. They will make a great chandelier. At least that is my plan for them.

Flea markets are a great place for people watching as well. From the people who are shopping to the people that are selling. And to see what they are selling and what they are buying. My friend is a medical illustrator. I found a medical kit that had this tourniquet with illustrations printed on it showing how you use this. It was really cool looking. She asks this guy, who is the same guy who sold me my fan, how much is just the tourniquet. He wouldn't sell it without the rest of the kit, saying it needs to go together. The entire kit was $10. When you open this kit, it was a rusty metal box with a bunch of old gauze in it. She then says- umm i don't want all this old gauze, i just want this. He wouldn't budge. I tried to get the fan and these two metal tops to a faucet for a total of $10. He said all of it was $12. The fan was $10, which by the way is an amazing deal, and a dollar for each faucet top. AW and I tell him, who is going to buy these faucet knobs? His answer- plumbers. Yeah, they are searching flea markets for these....

The best person we came across was actually the best booth in this flea market. It was over flowing with stuff. And not just stuff, but cool stuff. One of those booths that you can't move to quick or you might miss something and you have very very tight isles to move through. I ask him if he happens to know if he has the items i was looking for and amazingly, he knows everything he has. He then decides to follow us around, as we are not your average flea market shoppers. He proceeds to show us items and makes little remarks about George Bush and Rumsfeld. We ask if he had any old Medical illustration books, and of course, he just sold one about 10 minutes ago (so typical). He then proceeds to show us this book about design inside a church. Now the two of us start nudging each other and giggling inside, cause of course we totally draw these types of people. He tells us that these designs are for the devil and things have to be in a certain order. AW decides to bait him on and ask what happens if they aren't. His answer, of course, was that everything would fall down and kill people. Of course. He then says- It's like that Skinny Puppy song.... and then quotes a song. Now, that was it. I was dying. i wanted to laugh so hard. I couldn't even hear what exactly he quoted cause i was not expecting this 50 year old man with his grey hair pulled back in a pony tail, wearing John Lennon style glasses and talking in a conspiracy tone to start quoting Skinny Puppy. We were in awe. We wanted to stay there talking to him all day, but we were there on a mission.

Needless to say, I don't have everything i need. I will be visiting more flea markets and junk yards in the next couple weeks, trying to get what i need to finish my project. I have yet to get the guitar, but at least i know what i want to create and can start my planning in advance. This weekend I will get the guitar and will start cutting it apart. And of course, I will get to have more contact with these amazing people wanting to know who i am and what i want with that object.

A Sigh of Relief

2008-08-21T14:17:00.003-04:00

okay... live DJ set.... check. done. no more worrying about it. I did it successfully. i didn't fuck up, didn't swear or cue up things live on the air. I made smooth transitions, kept volume levels checked and only bumbled through words, but come on, looking at my set list, you'd understand! I mean if you really think about it, i think i was more nervous about pronouncing the names than actually talking. But alas, i did it. i can now check it off of the many things i wanted to do and i did it well.

Even for playing a bunch of music i didn't know, i think i did a good job, if i say so myself.... I went in on Monday and made sure to familiarize myself with the bands and music. I took notes, being the geek that i am, and wrote down tracks that I would want to play. I was felt like i had enough music to play and knew WHAT i was going to play. The next day, when actually working there, i talked to Brian (the music director) about the pronunciation of the names. He saw that i had notes and was impressed. He said that he was pleased to see that i took time out to research the bands. i think it made him feel better about me doing the job as well. made him see that i DO want to do this. Oh, and Brian has been with WFMU forever, so he has a lot of pull on who gets on the air and who doesn't. So impressing him, which wasn't even something i was trying to do, helped.

So who knows what this will do or where it will bring me, but i did it. Granted it will be hard for my first ever show, but even still, I am happy i got one under my belt and knowledge that I can do it.

Good Things Popping Up

2008-08-19T18:16:00.003-04:00

Well tomorrow is my exciting radio hour premiere, granted not exactly playing my own stuff, but still a lucky opportunity. It is actually rare that someone, especially so green as me in radio, gets the chance to go on air. I just look at it as a great chance and pray i don't fuck it up. HA! I am on the air from 10 to 11pm est. So, tune in to listen to me mess up Ethiopian names. Yep, I am going to be playing mostly Ethiopian and African music.

Another great thing happened this week as well. I found out that the same guitar art project will be happening again. I called up the store to go over the possibility of doing it again this year and ta da! I am. They are only going to do 8 guitars, which this year have to be playable. It will still be a stratocaster style guitar. One of my friends will be doing this as well, with her own guitar, so we have made a date to go pilfer some flea markets this weekend. I am very excited to do this. I know exactly what i want to make. At first i had no clue, but after talking to the owner of the music store, my mind started to reel and i figured out a great idea. The guitar in the picture is what i did for last years event.

On top of good music and art, a long term project i have been working on has moved on further. I find i hit a stage in making my art and it will just sit there. I don't want to try to figure out what was wrong. So until i finally decide that i am tired of stepping over the piece for a year, it's time to tackle the problem. So I did that this weekend and now i have fairly smooth sailing for a little bit. Which is a nice change.

So all in all, i am having good art and music karma. I am not sure what i did to get this, but i am thankful no matter what. Like i have said, i am not sure what i am doing with the radio thing, but i figure just ride the ride and see where it takes me. It's at least not a scary ride and the people here are nice.

I think i am going to PUKE!

2008-08-14T11:20:00.004-04:00

Hi all - I'm looking for someone who can board op our remote broadcast next Wednesday night from 6-11pm. There will also be a few chances to DJ in there, most likely from 10-11pm. Let me know off-list if anybody can do it. Thanks!

This is the email that pops up on my screen at work. i look at it and think, yeah i am free on Wednesday... and it's at the right time, sure why not?

i am available if needed.... Wednesdays are good for me... Just let me know details!

Thanks!

So not thinking much about it, but pretty confident that i was the first to respond. And i was right.....

OK Stagnant Artist, thanks! You're on. You should definitely have some music picked out for this, there may be a few times throughout when you will need to play music and/or talk. Are you OK with that?

I see that and think.... holy shit. HOLY SHIT! I am going to be on the air.... ON THE AIR. I am going to have to actually DJ. So needless to say, i signed up for some time to practice. Did i say HOLY SHIT yet? Immediately after getting this i got scared. I am so nervous. But yet at the same time excited. What does this all mean? I do believe things happen for a reason, so what is this reason? What am i to think of all this? I need to prepare like no OTHER!

Sooooo, god i can't believe i am about to post this.... if you WANNA listen to me, I will be at the station on Wednesday night from 6pm to 11pm. Here is a link to the event's info:

Addicted to the Olympics

2008-08-12T18:11:00.003-04:00

I seem to always post while sitting here working on the radio show. Not that I don't get to sit at home and do this, but there are distractions and i am just sitting here listening.

I also seem to be distracted by the Olympics. I must admit that i was not too excited in the lead up to the actual games. There was so much "drama" leading up to it and I just felt removed from it. I didn't really watch them in years past, except when i was a kid. Then when they added the "Dream Team", that just pissed me off as they were professional athletes who get paid millions for what they do and have no reason to be in the Olympics. But for some reason i have become riveted this year. I can't go to bed on time. When i finally do, i hear Jeff yelling in the other room or getting all excited over what happened. I don't want to miss a world record being broken. And i don't care what the actual event is either.

So as i can't pull myself away, i started to think about what i am watching. Why are all these world records being broken. And not just being broken, but being smashed. Even watching Phelps break his own world records. Is there going to be a point where these super humans are not going to go any further? Is it the new swim suits? is it drugs? is it just amazing new training? i mean, the olympics have been around for such a long time i just find it beyond amazing that we are breaking records that were even set 4 years ago. Part of me ponders this since in Baseball we are still trying to break some of Babe Ruth's records. Even in the world of doping, they still have a hard time going beyond some of these earlier records. So what is this difference?

I still got chills up my arms as America won the men's 400m freestyle relay. It was exciting to watch. It made me cheer on my country, when normally i am not that kind of person. Part of me think this is because of the rivalry. We need someone to beat. Like in the past, during the Cold War, we always had the Russians to look out for. I will always remember watching the gymnastics. Cheering on our team against those Commies. And now China is being built up as our new rivalry. And unfortunately, I am buying into it. I know, i know... we have rivalries now with Iraq and Iran, but due to my political stance, I WILL not bite. That is not my enemy. Actually neither is Russia or China, but i think a healthy sports rivalry is something i can support. Just like i am a Red Sox fan and i live here in Yankee country. see how this goes.

So needless to say, i am looking forward to watching some Tae Kwon Do events. I am as usual cheering on the US and hoping the best for Steven Lopez, since he will be defending his Gold.

I will be glued to the television for the next couple weeks, so if you are looking for me, that is where i will be.

Do Not Bring Your Children to Work *

2008-08-05T17:36:00.005-04:00

*unless they are trained to know that work is EXACTLY that, not a playground.

So, my Tuesdays have been like my Mondays this summer as I have had them off. So granted, I am busy seeing what i missed over the weekend and the one normal work day that everyone else is working. Around lunch time, the guys from downstairs come up to have lunch in the only room that has air conditioning, which is where i am. They can be loud, but all i have to do is look over and point to the phone that i may be talking on, so they know to quiet down. So, as i am sitting there, i see one of the three kids pop their heads through the door. My heart sank. I was not ready for this. I was not ready to take on children today. Tuesdays are crazy for me as I leave early to go to the radio station, so i have limited time to do work as it is. I didn't need any more distractions, especially from 3 girls. So they come pouring in the room, yelling and running around. Then proclaim- "Let's have a cartwheel contest to see how many we can do across the room!" "Wait! Not cartwheels, I meant somersaults!" and then all three proceed to roll across the room. Now let me just say something before I sound totally bitter against children. The title of my post says what i am thinking... WORK. not a place to be doing cartwheels or somersaults. Granted, I HAVE done somersaults at work... but i am also an adult who knows what is around her and we did have more space in the room then.... They were trying to do this in between my desk which has a printer located at the end of it and the lunch table. Not a lot of room. Then they are continuing to yell and lie on the floor and whine. The master carver can see me get annoyed, which by the way is not very difficult to notice as i am rather vocal about it. He suggests taking the kids to the park down the street for lunch. They are all whining and saying- "I don't wanna go to the park... we just spent the past 3 days outside....I don't wanna go." Then the oldest one points to a computer across the way, where one of the delivery guys is on, saying- "OH! He's on Youtube while at work!! He should be in trouble!!!" I turn to her and say- He's on lunch... leave him alone.

So they all are still running around and the youngest, 5 years old, SMACKS her head on the printer (the part that pulls out to catch the paper). Next thing you hear is a loud pitch scream. Now i don't blame her for screaming, cause that sounded like it hurt a wicked lot. Hell, I would probably be screaming too! BUT- I just have to say, this all could have been prevented if they were not running around and acting like a bunch of animals.

Finally the children were taken away and peace was restored to the workplace, but we were definitely rattled for a good half hour after the fact. It was a whirlwind of fury. I couldn't take it. Now, for those parents out there.... I know what you might be thinking... or at least i hope. Yes those kids should have been disciplined. They should have been controlled and told that they must be on their best behavior. But let's remember, this is the BOSS's kids. In their minds is this is THEIR company too. They don't have respect to the office supplies or staff. They will go through an entire roll of the label maker stickies, and then when i have to order more cause we ran out, my boss gets cranky. Ummm.... hello... your precious-can-do-no-wrong children used it all up. They used up all my packing tape when i needed it. and what amazing thing did they make? Besides a mess? They made birds... and big wads of tape was the body. Is that great? (yes that is complete and total sarcasm) I don't totally hate kids... I just hate kids who aren't well behaved. The fact that i had to yell at the kids the other day is a bad thing. you shouldn't have your employees reprimanding your children. You actually should be completely embarrassed that I had to stop your child from doing something.

Yes, i understand work is boring for kids and they don't want to be there. But hell, neither do I! But i am have to sit there and behave. What would happen if i started to act like his children? Would i be talked to? If i was... could my excuse be- You let your children act like this, so why can't i?

Growing Up

2008-07-30T18:01:00.003-04:00

I think i am growing up a little. yes it has taken this long to get to that point, but hey it's baby steps like they said in the movie What about Bob? Yesterday i was mad. I was beyond mad, i was fuming. My boss had sent me an email that was all cheerleader like saying that was a response to a possible job inquiry that a client had sent to me. I hadn't even spoken with the client yet or sent out a contract. We had done the event for them last year and they wanted to out do the design from last and make it better. That is not a problem. Nor is the fact that my boss is excited that we are getting job inquiries in August, which is always dead for us. But what pissed me off was that i get these emails all the time. Each time i get one it chips away at my morale and makes me realize the trust is being chipped away as well. If you have to say to me each time- Let's make something good for this....my only reaction is finally going to be- Come on. No, I was planning on making the worst sculpture for them. I responded to his email with that and also saying that he should have some more faith in me since i have been working there over 3 years and haven't let him down yet. I then get this "official" type of email back from my response. You know, the kind that went from personal to "I am your boss" email. Not only was it that kind of email, but what it said pissed me off even more.

Please know that I very much appreciate all your initiatives & suggestions for all aspects of the studio & they linger in me for long time as I value your input.
My main motive here is to communicate my thoughts for the coming projects that I am made aware of. Designing ice is a challenge to all & reminding each other, suggesting new/revived ideas, and/or sharing thoughts/feelings about the job is a must within what we do. This is not about having faith or challenging pride: what I care is to provide the best proposal possible. We can certainly talk further on this issue. Please respect the fundamental attitude at the studio & refrain/minimize sarcasm which at times is counter-productive.

There were way too many slashes in there too. I was livid. I wanted to just write back- fine, fuck you I quit. See how well you do without me. i am your only sales person that knows what they are doing. We got arch nemesis, but he's worthless and my boss is never there. So who else is going to do my job? I am the only one that does graphics there too. So have fun with that! I just responded with yes i want to talk and let me know when you are available.

so between a bunch of emails back and forth, we made a plan to talk today. I had time to cool down but also time to get out all my frustration as well. i sat down and talked to him and told him exactly how i felt. I told him my feelings and that this is not something he can really say- no you are wrong. I told him that when he does this, this makes me feel this way. That each time he does it, morale is going down and when i received that other email, i was extremely pissed and i wanted to say- that's it, i'm done. I said that. I actually said i'm done to him. I don't think he was expecting to hear that from me.

The important thing is i was calm. i didn't let my emotions take hold. i wasn't sad or angry. i was neutral. He actually listened to me. He agreed and apologized. He heard what i had to say. it was nice. i actually walked out of there relieved. So instead of being hot headed like i usually am, and getting all bent out of shape, i acted like an adult and it worked. I was a big girl and i am rather proud of myself for that.

my poor lil computer

2008-07-29T18:24:00.003-04:00

So my ticket finally got called and i was told that luckily my computer is under warranty until Nov 25 and that they couldn't get the computer to do what i was complaining about. Surprise, surprise. Just like when you bring your car to get checked out cause it's making this awful noise and it stops immediately when someone else is listening to it. You may have 20 eyewitnesses, it doesn't matter cause the one person that can help you out doesn't know what you are talking about. So I am bringing in the computer tomorrow to hopefully get fixed. Now granted, i go to use it today and of course it does the one thing that i complained about... shut off. So annoying. How am i supposed to steal music from the radio station if it keeps shutting off? hehe.

I do need my computer to get the show I work for ready for next week. So hopefully I will get it back by Monday, so i can do that last minute. I am getting faster at my editing so that is good. I also caught a glitch here before we aired the show, which was a bit scary. I got an email saying good catch, so that made me feel better. Just that little bit makes me feel good. More than i get at my own job that actually PAYS me. Then when i came in, Ken, the manager here, wanted to listen to my demo tape. I told him that it wouldn't really be my final tape, as I never got to listen to it and I didn't get to do a full one. He was just curious if I spoke in it and wanted to listen to my talking voice. I didn't stay to watch his reaction. I am just not ready to do that yet. The first time I saw someone listening to me, made me very nervous. And these were friends! Not someone that could put me on the ACTUAL air. So, who knows if he actually did this or not. I will get around to finding out one day.

It's funny, I have the same reaction to this as I do to my own art. I want to hear the critiques, but not directly to me. I want to over hear it. When it comes to people that may have some sort of influence over future projects, I get nervous. Not surprising, since I imagine that would be most people's reaction. It is funny cause i find that i become shy. Like i may have said before, i am sooo not shy. But i am until i am comfortable around people. It doesn't take that long, but i just need a couple of times doing something and my nervousness subsides. Now talking on mic is not as scary as it was the first day. So what if i screw up saying something. Meh. I just move on and fix it. i have heard enough people screw up on the air. As long as i don't drop the F bomb, or any other FCC errors, i should be fine.

Another day sitting here...

2008-07-28T18:24:00.002-04:00

I am sitting here in TekServe, waiting for my laptop to get fixed. For some reason my laptop decides to just shut down on me. That is annoying. I may be in the middle of doing something important and BAM! all gone. So frustrating. So i sit here waiting for them to call out green ticket 47. it's like waiting for the lottery.

The funny thing is looking around at my fellow Mac users in NYC and it makes me realize how young this city is. I don't mean in the length of people living here, or our country, but the actual people. This is also because of where i hang out too. But looking around at my fellow peers, I see people of all ages and yet they are ageless. I am going to try to explain this. It is rather difficult as it is something I have been feeling for a bit now.

First off, I am 34 years old. I don't feel that old. I don't feel old except when i hurt from working out or my body doesn't want me to move a certain way when i do. I dress young, I feel young... the music i listen to is young. I even think i look young. I go to visit friends or go outside this area and notice people around me that are my same age and surprise myself. For example, I when i went to Panama, I met a woman from a native tribe. I was speaking to her in my broken spanish about our ages. I asked her how old she was and she told me she was 26. She had 3 children already. Granted, she was already married by the age of 15. She then asks me how old i am and i try to remember how to say it in spanish. I tell her and she is surprised. She was shocked that I was that old. Said i didn't look it at all, thinking i was in my twenties like her. I joked saying no kids!, as though that was my fountain of youth.

So is that? is that part of what makes me young? I see friends with kids and i feel like they get instantly older. Is it my surroundings? Does staying around hip urban people help in keeping me up to date with the culture and keeps me youthful? Is it my mind set? Keeping a youthful mind helps as well.

My brother, who is ten years older than me, is youthful as well. I don't think of him as old. I see him as an equal too. He has the same style and interests as me. He lives in a city and has lived in cities since he could. Granted, he's graying around the edges and there are some things he feels too old to do, but that is rare. Maybe I just don't see age anymore. I am friends with people of all ages, so that may be part of it.

I must say i don't feel like i am in my early 20's. I used to think that i could be college age, but i have realized that A) I totally don't fit in that category and B) I don't WANT to be in the same group as them. I don't feel the same as them. I see myself as wiser and not willing to do the stupid stuff they do, but at the same time when i was their age, I didn't do that shit either.

So I don't know what this fountain of youth is. I just find it interesting that I fall in the end of Douglas Coupland's Generation X, and yes i read the book so I know how to FULLY reference that correctly damn it. I hated when media used that term flippantly. I do feel like i am never sure what i am doing and am not content to stay doing something i don't want to do. I also can't stay at a job forever or see myself anywhere for a long time. Is my nomadic feeling part of that too?

Sitting here doing my job....

2008-07-22T18:28:00.003-04:00

I am sitting here listening to the show I work on at WFMU. What a job eh? I look around me and sometimes get overwhelmed with the buttons. Please don't let me hit the wrong button. Don't let me screw up the show.... Please don't curse.... i am not prepared to deal with the FCC.... Please let there not be any Emergency Broadcasts for bad weather.... Hell i am just nervous enough to announce the final bit letting the listeners know what they are listening to and to stayed tuned for the next show. Oh please don't let me screw up the beginning of the next show... let me push that correct button.

I am coming in on off days and making my own demo to get used to the board and feel comfortable in front of the microphone. I even let them know i did make something. I didn't listen to it myself... so who knows how fucked up it sounds. Please don't be a total mess. The first time I played with it, the volumes were all over the place. This time i used both CD's and vinyl, so who knows. That one damn album... i can't tell when the hell the song ends since it flows directly into the next song... Did i ramble? did i sound stupid? did i speak loud enough? Noone said anything today about it, so I don't think anyone listened. Was it that bad?

I must be doing something a bit right. I have been asked to run the board for another DJ who is doing a remote broadcast from the Knitting Factory this Friday. I was also asked from the guy who does his show after mine if I wanted to do production. And noone is questioning my edits of the show i work on. I edit it at home and upload it to the system here. They just assume I am doing it right. So I don't have someone looking over my shoulder, which is a strange feeling. I am very not used to someone not looking over my shoulder or assuming i am fucking up. The sad thing is i kinda wish they did... cause i kinda feel like i am. As my fellow CF'er's say- I will do better, I will try harder... just like me!

I know a lot of this will disappear with time. I know that once i put more time in front of the board and microphone, I will be comfortable and my stupid self. I know since i do this on a podcast, I should feel okay, but remember, I am not broadcasting live. I have re-recorded my vocal track many times. I can fix my mistakes... and i have made them as you have seen. I guess it is just a bigger fish tank and I want to be able to swim and not be eaten. The one great thing is everyone i have encountered here are really nice. They have answered all my lame questions and not rolled their eyes directly at me. I have felt better in that sense. I guess we all are a bit scared jumping into something new and having it be something you really love and don't want to fuck up. It just takes time. That must be my mantra... just takes time....

the Nothing Post

2008-07-18T12:40:00.005-04:00

I don't have much to say.... I have been busy and that is just how my summers go. Lots of planning and anticipation for all the things I want to do. And of course, July flies by as usual. Where does all this time go? I think it is the planning that makes time happen faster. Filling up weekends with stuff to do. And just being able to hang outside. Tomorrow I am going camping and in two weeks going camping again, but this will be a hike in, set up tent and then climb Mt. Marcy, the highest peek in the eastern side. Tomorrow we will go for a hike, but just not as serious. It will be a great opportunity to see how our dog will handle the big mountain.

Every weekend gets booked up, but I can't complain. I think is one of the many reasons the anticipation of summer is huge. I have had my Mondays off from work, which sucks and doesn't. Since i have been working at WFMU, i been planning time on those days to go make my demo tape for an actual DJ position there. And self teaching makes you really need lots of time. Then those Mondays are also being used for those evil things you don't want to take time off of work to do, but they have to be done- going to the doctor and dentist.

As for the actual job working at the station, it's pretty cool. I got offered to produce the show that goes on after the one i work on. I have never done production before, but he said he would teach me. I am very tempted... but it is also the same time as my TKD classes.... what a dilemma. I'll figure it out. I am just a total sucker for learning. I want to learn as much as possible. And the more I know and learn, the better off I will be for my own show and making connections. Who knows what i will end up doing with all this. But we shall see. I figure I will ride the ride and see where it will take me.

As for my own artwork, well i have been lacking on that end a lot. So bad, i know. I just get obsessed very easily with other things. I find it to be a bad thing. I will become totally consumed with an idea or project. I wish I could just concentrate on one particular thing. Plus the fact that I live on the top floor of my building without air conditioning... and that damn room is soooo small! Makes it really hard to work in there. I know, it totally sounds like a lot of excuses, but they are realities.

So that is my update for now... We shall see what we can do

My life as a Board Operator

2008-07-09T13:10:00.004-04:00

Well, I have finished my second day/week as the board operator at WFMU. Last week I learned the board and what to do in the studio. This week, I was on my own to fend for myself and I survived. The show I am working on is the Dave Emory show, where it is a pre-recorded show that we put together and air every Tuesday. I sit there and make sure that the show runs smoothly, no glitches in the show or slipped curse words. Then at the end of the show I announce what next weeks show will be along with the station ID and then announce the next show coming up. So this is what i had to do yesterday. I was so nervous. Nervous of the buttons I had to push, worrying that I'd fuck that up somehow, worried about talking too fast and worried that i would mispronounce something. But alas, I was fine. I did fine. heart in throat the entire time, but other than that....I am sure over time, that will be nothing.

It's like any new job. You are nervous at first and want to do well. You take notes, but then looking back at the notes, you think you wrote hieroglyphics. You don't know anyone, become shy to ask questions. I was talking with Daniel from work about the station and I was telling him how i am kinda shy about the whole station. He was surprised to hear that from me. Especially since i am not a shy kind of person. i told him it is more of an idol worship kind of thing.... where I love this station and am just nervous about working with the people I listen to and love their shows.... I know all the DJ's are nice and helpful. it's just that initial meeting. I was fine this week, going in and delivering a CD to the DJ before me, going in the record library and having another DJ there picking out tunes. I know through time of me going there, this will all wear off and I will stop being silly about it.

Well the one cool thing is that Ken, station manager, asked me if I was interested in being a DJ. I was like- Ummmm YEAH. So I am allowed to sign up for time to make a show in the other studio in the building and create a 90 min show..... which of course will be like my Underwater Theme Park. So I will continue to update you all with the progress and you can listen to me live on WFMU every Tuesday night from 6-7 pm.... I will be talking around the 7pm time.

Missing

2008-07-08T12:25:00.003-04:00

One of my reader friends and fellow blogger has gone MIA. I am concerned about him. My friend E at Rantings are concerned about him. He had deleted his blog and has us concerned. If you know anything about his where abouts... please let us know. We want to make sure he's okay.

Hello from Baltimore

2008-07-06T19:52:00.003-04:00

I hope you all had a wonderful Fourth of July. I am still enjoying my stay down here in Baltimore and have had a nice time visiting with friends and family. It's alway a pleasure coming down and relaxing. That is what it is all about. Even yesterday with my brother, he was trying to figure out what to do. He said he would love NYC cause there is always something to do there and lots of options, but Baltimore has none. I think that is kinda what i like. I like the no options... We drove to a neighborhood I had never been too and walked around. There were some cute shops, where i bought myself a necklace, and looked at records. Then we went for a beer and called my friend Jen, who lives close-ish, and hung out for a bit. Later that night went to a place for breakfast. So all in all, a success.

Today we went to DC to visit other friends. Had breakfast there and then afterwards went down to the Holocaust museum. I had been wanting to check it out since it opened. It was done really well. The way they set up the museum was really impressive and it definitely put you in a certain mind set. You get there for a certain time slot and pick up a "passport" of a person who had lived during the Holocaust. It has a brief life story in it. Mine was a woman named Chaje from Czechoslovakia. You read her story and find out at the last page whether she survived or not. Unfortunately, on May 19, 1944 she was sent to Auschwitz with her 2 daughters and nephew and was gassed 2 days later. I found that having this ID card for a person definitely made an impression on you, but kind of would have enjoyed it if I had to find out what happened to her in the end, like have to look up in a computer or something, so that I have interaction with it. But granted, it is the Smithsonian and they only have millions of people going through there daily, so that would be a bit difficult.

The museum has 4 floors. The elevator takes you to the top floor where you learn about the Nazi invasion of Europe and how they started to treat the Jews. I knew lots of this information already as my family was very interested in the history of WWII. I also had a history teacher in my 7th grade that taught us this as well. I was pretty well informed as to what had happened there and during that time. I even remember my parents going to Auschwitz and bringing back a book on what had happened. Odd thing was I remember them storing the book in a drawer next to a chair. It wasn't an easily accessible book, but it was fairly graphic due to the nature of what it was about. Not your average book shelf material. But at the same point, they didn't hide it from me. The top floor goes over all the events leading up to the ghettos.

The third floor is about the concentration camps. This starts with the ghettos and learning about how the sanctioned off the Jews from everyone else and starting to take them away to the camps. They go over the different areas that were largely effected, like Poland. The nice part was that they had the material that was a bit too graphic for little eyes up over a wall where you have to look down at the television screen. Images of people being shot in the mass graves that they had to dig prior to being shot. Not something to have in a little innocent mind. Granted, kids at that time were dealing with that up close and personal. Which raises the question, when DO you teach a kid about this?

I do like how they made you walk around the museum. first you are on a cobblestone street that the Jews weren't allowed to walk on and then you are walking on a raised wooden boardwalk, like the Jews had to do to cross streets and not mix in with the Germans or Polish. And with the crowd of people, you felt just like what the Jews would go through, having to wait for people to move in front of you and constantly walking as though you are cattle.

There were two parts that affected me the most out of the entire exhibit and it was on this floor. One was you are walking along and you have to walk into the cattle car that they shipped the Jews to the concentration camps to. This was an actual car from the camp. Walking up to the car, I was fine. No problem. Then entering the car, I kinda started to freak out in my mind a little. Looking around in this empty car, which was dark and had on stream of light shining through. Once in the car, mind you we are only walking in a straight line, I totally started to panic. I am not prone to panic attacks or anything of the sort. I just kept thinking- WHO was in this car? HOW many people died in this car? There is some bad joujou in this car. I felt ghosts. The smells even.... I just didn't like it. Then I started to get anxious to leave the car. I couldn't be in there any more. i just wanted out. NOW. And of course the line is halted in front of me cause people are reading a sign just outside the car. They don't realize that I am back there not happy. I felt as though they had no clue that I NEEDED to get out of that car. Then i tried to pass the person in front of me and people were blocking the way. I was trying to remain calm, but I so desperately wanted to shove people out of the way. I wanted to push them aside and get the fuck out. Once out, i was amazed at my reaction. I was surprised by it even. I didn't know that I would feel that way at all. And of course I put myself into the shoes of the people that experienced it and realized, yes, I would be one of the people freaking out, but then once those doors opened, I wouldn't want to leave that car.... I told Jeff my reaction to the car later. He has been to this museum every year since it first opened with his 9th grade class. He said he did that car the first time and that was it. He doesn't go through it anymore. I was glad to hear i was not the only one. I did just look up and found out that in reality there is no actual proof that this was a car used to transport Jews. It was one in the same timeframe and likeness, but they can't find any actual data proving it.

The second spot that bothered me was looking at the actual bunks from Auschwitz. Yet again, the smells, the ghosts..... dare i even say, memories.... it was as though I could see people on there... as though i had been there. it was just too real for me. luckily that room was easier to walk away from them, but I was yet again amazed at my reaction.

All in all, I found the museum well done. I think the second floor not as exciting, but i do love the stories of people helping the Jews after they left the camps and still had to hide out. I also like the last video that they have of different survivors talking about their experiences. Unfortunately, I was unable to sit and watch much of it, as the museum was closing in 15 minutes and my dad had finished the museum an hour and half prior to me coming down there..... so I didn't get to see it much of the end video. But I do love hearing the stories and am glad they are preserved.

I do recommend the book Maus by Art Spiegelman . It is beautifully written and the drawings are fantastic. It's a touching tale of his father and himself and how they deal with the effects of Auschwitz in the current day, while telling the story of what happened in the past. So poetic.

Anticipation

2008-06-30T13:22:00.002-04:00

i am really excited to go away this weekend. I have been wanting to go down to Baltimore for a while and haven't been down since Christmas. It's only 3 hours away, but for some lame ass reason, just haven't made it. I do like having my Fourth of July's there though. Something about it. Sitting on my dad's boat, dog freaking out inside the boat... sitting in the Inner Harbor watching the fireworks. I am not a huge firework fan either. But i guess this is the closest thing to a Patriotic type thing for me to go do. Sit on a boat and watch fireworks. Something about it screams summer to me. I am excited to go down and just chillax.... I can do it really well down there for some reason. I am excited to hang out with my dad and brother, and to see my friend Jen, who i have known since High school. I even threw out to my other friend Deb who is close by and a friend down in DC.. Who knows, may end up just having a huge party.

My work is also going down to 4 days a week for the summer. found that out in my review the other week. i am not too happy about the lack of money that will be bringing in, but for some reason my inner self wasn't too pissed when i heard that. It was as though my mind was saying- Yes! We need that break. So all in all, I will have my Monday's off and time to destress and maybe get some of my own shit down. Who knows. Either that or just recover from my weekends....

Crazy Brings Everyone Closer

2008-06-27T09:59:00.005-04:00

Photo by shveckle on Flickr

So yesterday as i am riding the train home, I noticed right at the end of my ride that there was a guy going off... Usually I have my Ipod on and tunes blasting, so if this happens a lot, I am not noticing. But this fortunate day I left my Ipod at home and was only partially distracted out of my book.

I look up and hear some guy ranting about Jesus is the Lord and Savior and that he will strike down and judge you.... Now of course i can't see the dude... i can only hear him. I have no clue how it was brought up or anything. But the best part is to look around at the faces of fellow riders. They all are either rolling their eyes or just opening them as big as possible. The guy is continuing to rant about Jesus and preaching about how hell will swallow them up, and all that fun stuff, when the door finally opens. We all spill out and i am trying to stifle my laughter. Of course i can't and mutter under my breath- WOW. The woman next to me heard me and says- No kidding. So we start talking about it as we go up the stairs. I guess some guy bumped into this preaching crazy person and went off. We started to laugh about it and another guy comes up the stairs and joins in the conversation with his eyes equally big. I was just amazed out how one nut job bonded a bunch of us regular commuters together. I guess according to the preaching guy, we are all going to hell....

So Exciting

2008-06-25T13:37:00.002-04:00

Well i know i have been slacking and neglecting my duties here.... but life has been quiet. I am working and nothing too much fun. I have been trying to go out more and hang out with friends. This past weekend I went to the Mermaid parade with my two local CF's. That was fun. Got to see the guy that AW and I drool over from the Freak Show. Hammers nails in his nose and looks like he stepped out of Deadwood. There is just something really hot about him. And a name like Donny Vomit... how can you go wrong? Man i want to take lessons from them. I want to learn to eat fire. But alas, those lessons are 600 dollars and in Coney Island, which is a BITCH to get to.

I did find out some exciting news. I volunteer for WFMU for their record fairs and have been doing so for maybe 7 years? maybe more? Anywho.... I get emailings from them when they are in need of volunteers. I got one recently looking for someone that can run the board for a show. They were willing to train someone to do this. this is for a prerecorded show, so I would get to listen to the show and then get it ready to put on the air. Very exciting. It is a REAL radio station and a step closer to what I am interested in doing. Plus, having the skills to run a radio station board is a nifty skill that I wouldn't mind having. Hooray.

Surviving the Heat

2008-06-10T22:40:00.002-04:00

Sorry I have been slacking on my postings. I have been getting a bit OCD on the Underwater Theme Park site. It's also been wicked hot here as well, which makes me do even less, besides sitting and bitching about the heat and how miserable it is making me. Lame, eh? Well pfft.

That's just Disgusting

2008-05-29T14:15:00.003-04:00

As I was heading home, i noticed a woman was carrying a paper bag that had handles. the bag was from McDonald's. i thought to myself, that bag could hold a ton of food from McD's. so i turn to my friend next to me and point out to him the bag. i said- that is disgusting. the mere thought of someone buying that much food from McD's is frightening. he laughed and agreed. sad to see that is what our country can provide.

on a same note, i was at dinner at our local Vietnamese restaurant and the owners son comes up to us and says- hey! haven't seen you for a while. can you tell i go there often? anyways he told us that he just came back from Vietnam and Singapore. he had to be there for work. he then told us how the first thing he did when he came back was get McD's. we were horrified. how could one say that, especially being over there! i mean i understand if he was in Russia, cause i was craving spicy food when i got back.... but you are coming from a country with the tastiest food! hell, i want to go there just to eat. my friend and her husband are going in november and i am so jealous. the idea that anyone could crave McD's and need it makes my stomach churn.

My New Show

2008-05-26T13:51:00.003-04:00

I have finally made a podcast for all to hear. It's called Underwater Theme Park. You can check it out at the linked site. Hope you all enjoy it! I'd love your feed back!

Frida Kahlo Exhibition

2008-05-20T13:06:00.003-04:00

So I went to Philadelphia on Sunday to check out the last day of the Frida Kahlo Exhibit. I had been trying to get down to this exhibit since I had found out about it on the plane ride back from Panama. Due to the weekends being packed with different events happening, such as Mother's Day and my exhibition, I just haven't been able to make it down there until last minute, where I was stomping my feet if I wasn't going to be able to go.

I had spoke with my neighbors who were able to go to the show an earlier weekend and they had told me that it was insanely packed. They didn't exaggerate. It was mobbed. Which is great to see that Frida was getting that exposure, but DAMN! I had to buy tickets for a specific time slot. When we got there, we had to que up with everyone. Of course we were stuck right near the crazy woman. VERY crazy. I was talking to my friend about our insane hairdresser and the stories from my haircut the day before. Then the crazy lady butts her nose in and says- Where is this! I want to go! Needless to say, she is a bit wacky and kept talking to us through out the exhibition.

You enter the exhibition to a Fridha with Monkey painting. The next couple rooms are photos from Frida's personal collection. This room we got accosted by the crazy lady again. Then the rest of the rooms had more paintings. By then the crazy lady had no shoes and was yelling that she wanted everyone to leave so she could sit in front of the painting and stare for hours. yep, leave it to me to find the nut jobs.

I enjoyed the exhibition, but wanted more paintings. I wanted the rooms to be less crowded. i wanted to be like the crazy person and stare at the work without someone breathing over my shoulder. Part of the problem, if you ask me is those damn audio tour things. They make people cluster around a piece for an extended period, which bottlenecks the crowd. I did like how they showed other examples of Mexican art to inform the visitor of the reasons why she painted certain paintings a specific way, but I also felt like it was a bit of filler... like that could have been used for more work. And then you are filtered to the giant gift shop at the end that was selling everything from clay pots, to Mexican style clothes, to books and posters, to jewelry. It was a bit insane.

After checking out the exhibit, we walked around the museum and saw some great contemporary stuff, which I will cover in the next post. All in all, i thought the exhibition was good and was pleased that I could FINALLY see it.

Artist Sharing

2008-05-19T13:29:00.008-04:00

Through my searching for information about an artist I saw this weekend, I did a bit of research and came across a Paper Alchemy blog that introduced me to this artist. I was so impressed with the work that I wanted to give a nod to this artist as well. I think of him as a sculptor and wanted to share with you all some art that inspires me.

This Danish artist's name is Peter Callesen. What drew me to his work was his humor and technique. How he cuts out the paper and then creates these images to play off of the cut out. One piece has a cowboy with a lasso cut out and then hanging from the picture is the cowboy hung from his own lasso as the positive. It's his understanding and use of material and knowledge of the negative and positive spaces that works it's magic. It has a personality of it's own and even a life. These paper pieces breathe. They have movement and are alive. It's as though when you walked away, the paper came to life and we came back in the room in the middle and they got busted.

The technique is fantastic. So clean and clever. The pristine quality of the white paper and the sculptural feeling of the positive images. The little details that he incorporates into the work is amazing. I look at it and think, I would have SO nipped that little bit off. The small details of bricks and window panes, fantastic.

He does large scale work, which equally fascinates me. I encourage you all to check out his site. Use him as inspiration for your own work.

Doppelgänger

2008-05-14T14:24:00.004-04:00

I have been told many many times that i look or remind them of someone else. At the show, this one woman could have sworn i was a person she works with, but when we were face to face and I gave no recognition to who she was, that was her tell tale sign that I was not this other person. I find this a common thing with me. Either my personality or looks are EXACTLY like someone else.

I have had it happen to me where I have seen someone in a random person. Most times I don't act upon it, knowing that I am most likely wrong and that person just reminds me of them. But of course there is that nagging little voice in the back of your head saying- well it has been a while and they could have changed....

Another thing I wonder is if whether or not I finally meet this person, will I see them as me? Most likely not, since we are so overly critical of ourselves and can pick ourselves apart so quickly. But that makes me think, what is it about these other identical "me" is me? Is it my posture, the way i walk, stand, hold my head, facial expressions? Same hairstyle? I would get that one a lot dependent on my hairstyle. If i never hear that I look just like Liza Minelli again... (I am soooo not cutting my hair short again). I even got Linda Evangelista, which wasn't so bad, but that was due to her haircut as well.

So what makes me ME? How do people remember each other? Sight? Smell? I think it's little fragments. If you ask me to think of what someone looks like, someone I have known all my life, I will see them at many different stages and piece them together. I won't see just a photograph of them. I will see fragments. Ohhh, I sense a possible art project.....

Stole the show!

2008-05-12T12:54:00.001-04:00

I came, I saw, I conquered. Yep, that is me. Well for one night at least. It's just a little thing that makes me know that my ideas and thought process is headed in the right direction. I know what i am making is right and the public reaction is exactly what i hoped for.

As I was setting up the ice, people didn't really notice. Until we started to drop the bullets in the holes. One guys asks- Is that subway tokens? Uhhh, yeah, if bullets are subways tokens.... Once the ice was up and glittering and we stepped away, I felt good. I just needed to go home, change and be ready to take my critiques.

At first it was quiet. People walking around. Whenever i would see someone come up the the piece, i would approach them and say if they had any questions to let me know. Let me say, there were a lot of questions. The most popular question was- "How did you shoot the bullets in the ice?" Which of course made me giggle a whole lot. Duh, do you see the caliber of these bullets? The ice wouldn't even EXIST after ONE bullet. But the questions were fun. It was fun to see how people think and how what they thought the sculpture meant. One thought it was saying stop violence. But amazingly most figured it out. They saw the movement of the bullets in the ice. They were fascinated by how I came up with the idea. Of course they wanted to know how I did it and where. A lot thought it wasn't ice, until i made them touch it.

By the end, I had everyone come up to me saying that mine was their favorite piece in the whole show. Which is unfortunate, considering it was only up for one night. I even had the only other sculptor in the show come up to me and rave about my piece. He said that it was his favorite piece there, besides his own. Then he came over again at the end of the night and said- no.... it's the best piece, even better than mine. HA!

So needless to say, I am happy that I got this great feedback. Makes me even more interested in making more work. A little kick in the butt. This coming weekend I am going down to Philadelphia to check out the Frida Khalo Show. It's the last day it's up and I really enjoy her work. So lots of art inspiration for me ahead. Now just to get off my ass and do it.

SUCCESS!

2008-05-11T22:50:00.002-04:00

I am tired and exhausted but wanted to let you all know that it was a hug success. There were some nail biting moments, such as me picking up the ice from work and forgetting to bring the keys with me. Yeah, bright one eh? One of the many dumb ass moves. I also go the bullets on my way home from work. I swung by my TKD school out of curiosity and there they were. Phew!

so here is pic and I will rave about the success of the show later

Stress.....

2008-05-09T14:18:00.002-04:00

So tomorrow is my art show where i am showing my ice piece and i have it all ready and prepared. I was proactive (amazingly) and got everything i needed to do for this. The only thing that i couldn't do myself was to get the bullets. You need a permit to buy bullets, so i had to obviously outsource this part, but had contacted them well in advance of the date.

So my TKD master is also a Sheriff and has access to lots of bullets. We also have the Firearms Academy located in the office of the TKD school too, so i figured i had a lot of ammo suppliers. I asked my Master about getting them and sent him multiple emails. I first asked for some sample bullets to try this out and make sure it would work. I have in my hands 5 bullets of different calibers. I need 64 bullets total, so i seem to be lacking 59 bullets. now this piece will look rather silly with a lot of long holes drilled to hold a total of 5 bullets. Not as effective.

I get repeated promises that he would have the bullets for me at Thursdays class. I show up, after 2 emails going back and forth that day, to find that he is not there. He doesn't even show up. He sent a text message to a girl who teaches kickboxing, asking her to cover for him. I went to my phone to find no message at all. I sent him another email saying that the show is this Saturday and that i really NEED these. He sends this vague message saying that he'll have the head guy from the Firearms Academy give them to me. So, i decide to be proactive, yet again, and forward the message to the Firearms guy, so that in case he wasn't told that this was the plan, that maybe somehow I could make sure that I would still get these bullets.

But this was this morning that I had done this in a mad panic. And yet, i have heard nothing. I hate hearing nothing. I hate this feeling of putting my trust into someone else. It has my name on the sculpture and if I don't get these, I will look like the biggest ass ever. I figured i was ahead of the game and all set. I thought, you did good! You are all set for this. And yet i feel like shit and am scared to death that this will not pull through. I want them in my hand. i want to be assured that this will happen. I just want someone responsible and understanding to make it better. I want to not freak out about something as silly as bullets.

Testing of Sculpture

2008-05-07T14:22:00.002-04:00

So this Saturday I have a sculpture at the Cathedral Arts Festival in Jersey City, NJ. I have done this for the past 3 years and this will be my fourth year participating. This year I don't have much new work to showcase, so i offered an idea that I have wanted to try out. I wanted to do an installation piece, to get me out of my small art rut that I seem to stay within. I also wanted to use my work as an influence as well. I wanted to play with the combination of metal and ice. I will post more photos of the final piece after the event. I wanted to share this test version now.

Sometimes They say it just WAY better

2008-05-06T13:14:00.002-04:00

Now I know why I love this show. It may be "fake news", but damn if it isn't real..... They say it as it is.

My Stance on Events

2008-05-01T13:12:00.004-04:00

Okay, I am making my stand. I am supporting Obama. Yep, one of the many females out there that are choosing a black man over woman. I just hate Hillary. I hate listening to her. I hate the game she is playing. I am hating her more and more each time i see her. I am just tired of what she is doing in this campaign. She is playing dirty old man politics. And against he same side opponent. Hello..... why make the Democrats look worse and worse. And to pull up stuff that has NO reason to be debated about.

The flag pin... PLEASE! I don't give a rats ass whether or not whether he wears owns or even cares to wear a STUPID pin. It's a PIN. It means absolutely NOTHING. It does not make you more patriotic. I mean hell, if he came out wearing a suit with the flag on it, they would give him shit about disgracing the flag.... I don't see many americans walking around with a fucking flag pin. It's not the new accessory on people wearing suits... and i see people in suits EVERYDAY. Get past the fucking pin.

The whole Rev. Wright thing happened when i was on vacation. I would sit in the hotel and the only tv channels i got was CNN or Food TV. So of course i watched the news. I kept hearing the same crap over and over. And nothing intellectual about it either. Just the same on the surface debate over and over. Okay, first off.... I thought there was a separation of church and state..... so can we take religion out of this? I don't care what his looney preacher said. Yeah Rev. Wright is not a smart man and has diarreha of the mouth, but the news just love him.

Now with his stupid antics he has pulled the other day, I just feel bad for Obama. He has to deal with a lot of crap, including racism, which Hillary should understand, as she is a woman.... But the lovely Clinton campaign keeps digging through this stuff and pulling it out. Obama has taken the higher ground every time, but this is ridiculous. You are BOTH minorities in this campaign. So figure your shit out and stop the trash. It makes Hillary just look petty and like the high school bitches that I have always hated, starting rumors about other cause they don't like what they are wearing or some shit like that.

Everyone has their issues and skeletons in their closets. We are all not perfect and stuff can be dug up about anyone. I think with the technology that we have now, compared to the past, just helps find more crap and spread rumors. I think the campaign season needs to be shortened, so we don't have to put up with this mess. I think we should stop punishing states for when they vote. And just because Hillary got to campaign somewhere and Obama didn't, cause he knew the votes weren't going to count is rather unfair as well.

We all need to look at the what the end result will be. The result of no more Bush. I want new blood in that office. I want someone who HASN'T been there. Someone who has fresh NEW ideas. Someone that will turn the cushions over to be worn down from the other side. Yeah Hillary has the experience of being in there, but let's just get rid of the past 28 years of the same people in that house. I don't want a Bush or a Clinton. And just because he doesn't have all that "experience" doesn't mean he doesn't have good ideas and passion to CHANGE the hell we are in now. I will vote for a woman one day.... and if in the end she gets it, I will vote for her. But I just think she is the wrong woman.

Illustration: Rob Kelly

Goodyear Screwing Woman

2008-04-28T12:36:00.001-04:00

Over that is. We need 10,000 supporters by Mother's Day to tell Goodyear consumers won't stand for their unfair pay treatment of Lilly Ledbetter.

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Back to the Stone Ages

2008-04-28T11:56:00.004-04:00

You would think that we have move on and progressed as women. Women's rights, we get to vote, but think again. Our lovely friends at Goodyear thought it would be nice to pay women less, yes LESS, then men. It's ridiculous. When are we going to not be looked at as an opposite sex and as an equal? Is it that we all scare men? We can give birth and multi task? Trust me, I think i can speak for all women, we would share these things with men if we could. I am adding a little widget to my sidebar to help support this cause.... please click it. Let's get us up to date. Please!

For more info about this, please read it here: http://www.nytimes.com/2008/04/26/opinion/26collins.html?_r=1&oref=slogin

Can't Get it out of my Head.....

2008-04-23T16:43:00.001-04:00

I have been singing this all weekend long...... someone help me....

100th Post

2008-04-21T13:56:00.002-04:00

Yeah I am 100! Yippee! So I haven't had any news to write about. Just been kinda sleepy, busy doing some stuff that I am not going to mention yet. I don't want to jinx anything yet. I did get one thing finalized that i can dance around about. I am doing an ice piece at the 19th annual Cathedral Arts Festival. I didn't have any new pieces to show, but had this one piece I had wanted to do. I am creating an ice pillar and placing live bullets so that they slowly move down the inside of the ice. I am excited to do something new. Something larger than i have done. Something of a different material. But i should take advantage, since i have to opportunity. One thing we all need is to take advantage of opportunities when they happen. The date of the show is May 10th. i will post a picture when it is done.

Spring Creativity

2008-04-15T13:50:00.003-04:00

So yes, i have been slacking here, i know. But i have been doing stuff. I am creating graphic designs for t shirts for the radio station that we are trying to bring back from the dead. This mermaid design is just the beginning of what I am making. I have to make it more graphic like so that it is easy to print. I am designing some others so i will post when i am done. Once they are done, hopefully they will be up for sale to help support the station and get us back on the air.

Also proposed to do an ice piece for the Cathedral Arts Festival. They are interested in the design, so hopefully i will hear back from them soon as well. Yes, warm weather hits and the wheels start to move slowly.

Here's a Question....

2008-04-04T14:41:00.002-04:00

So I had an interesting conversation with my fellow coworker about this and would like another opinion about this.....

I was complaining about my ride to work on the subway. The area where I live is getting so congested and the train is so unbelievably packed every morning where you have stinky armpits in your face. The train is also very ethnically diverse as well. The stop after my stop is largely Indian. Indian men to be exact. They come in the train and just don't care about who is around them. They push people around and out of their way as though they own the train. I have made this comment before to a friend that lives in the area and she totally agreed with me. I could be standing right in front of the door to exit the train and get shoved to the side so the dude next to me can get out first. Now there may be that "culture" thing that people love to defend rudeness with, but I know that when i go to another country, I try to blend in and not be "American". Hell, half the time i get people coming up to me asking for directions and speaking their language (and no my Russian was not good enough to have a clue what they were saying).

I have become very aware of this since i came back from vacation. I am not sure why, but for some reason i have become almost intolerant of it. Yes, you may finally hear of someone on the new losing it in the subways and going mental. That will be me and this is my reason why. In Panama, I rode these crazy buses everywhere, and I mean EVERYWHERE. We were the only white people on the bus. People that we did talk to kept trying to steer us away from these buses, but hell, they were 25 cents! And all sorts of pimped out. And yes, they were crowded as well. People were three to a seat that we would normally only put 2 and two to a seat that only one person would normally sit in. Woman made their kids sit on their laps to make room for others. The people standing in the aisles were close, but it didn't feel the same as the subways. And remember, this is 90 degree humidity and no air conditioning. And it was still more pleasant than the over abundance of curry wafting to me at 8 am. We rode around those speaking our very very very elementary spanish. We had one driver go out of his way to show us around and tell us stories. Granted we didn't understand much of what he was saying, but got the general gist of it.

I was telling my coworker how the next trip we would like to take would be India. But since i have come back to hating the subways lately and the rudeness of these Indians, I am having my doubts. Then i posted the question of the difference between the people that live in the country being different the people that move out. I gave the example of Puerto Ricans and New Yoricans. My brother lived in PR for over 13 years and had said how there is quite a difference between the two. I was pondering this as being the idea of the people who leave a country are different that people who stay. My coworker then said, yeah there is a difference. But he then said something that made me totally disagree and defend New Yorkers. He said that people in NYC are scared and are more hostile cause they don't know who is sitting next to them on the trains or buses. They could be rapists, murderers or terrorists. People in other countries are more relaxed, like the Panama example that i gave, and that is part of their culture. I totally disagreed with that. I don't think New Yorkers are like that at all. I don't think to myself- that person is a terrorist. I think that it is the tourists that come here that give that feeling. If you ever read a tour book for NYC they tell you all the things you should be aware of. I just laugh at them. When i go away on vacation and read all the warnings of books, i giggle and say remember what they all say about NYC and we LIVE here.

What do you all think? I am curious. i may be too close to the situation that I am biased.

Viva Shanty Raid-io

2008-03-31T11:56:00.004-04:00

So my beloved station that I was able to play tunes on, once, is long gone, but on the way back. Yep, we are working hard at trying to get our shit together and bring back the wonderful little station that could. It's difficult, due to the fact that we are all located all over the country, and even the world. One of the DJ's Chrismor is from Ireland.

It's about the ability to play music and play bands that are unable to get the airplay they desperately need or deserve. Little bands have a hard enough time getting the airplay they need and little stations like ours helped them get some exposure. We are desperately trying to help them out and being able to play tunes that we love already. If you want to help us move on and play music, please support us.

I will be in the process of making some designs for swag soon, to help fund the station as well. This should be fun as it will be my designs. If anyone wants to help in creating fun Pirate designs, please let me know. We too can incorporate your designs as well into the mix. Come one come all! I will keep posting about this to keep you all updated

Abigail Adams

2008-03-25T13:49:00.003-04:00

So I am watching the HBO John Adams mini-series. I am enjoying it. For some strange reason, I have become more interested in history as i have gotten older. I am not sure why, but I find it intriguing. Even when we go on vacations, I find I am fascinated by the history of where we were and want to learn as much as possible. I noticed this when i went to Moscow. I was soaking it up. Every museum we went in, though it was all in Russian, I would look up what things were or put together things like pieces of a puzzle. It's part of that problem solving thing that I love so much and what makes me a sculptor. I love knowing what happened and actually SEEING artifacts. Even as a kid, sitting in a classroom, I would be bored with someone preaching to me history. Take me there and let me see what happened. let me envision it. Note how visual I was back then.......

So as my old age history interest has gone into play, I was interested in the mini series. (that and HBO does a good job with their shows anyways). Anywho, after only watching the first two episodes, I fell in love with Abigail Adams. She was an amazing woman. She was a woman of the 21st Century stuck back in the 18th Century. As a wealthy household, they did not believe in slavery. They took care of their farm on their own. The family did all the work. She had a lot of influence in what John Adams was doing and wanted to go into Congress and tell the men from Pennsylvania what needs to be done. She had her children inoculated against the pox, when it was not a common or popular thing to do. She's the Ye Olde Hillary Clinton, but i feel much better.

I was just amazed at her being as strong and open during that time period. I found her ahead of her time and influential. So, i suggest you all take notice. The wonders of history..... can't wait to see what other treasures i unearth......

Vacation

2008-03-14T17:07:00.001-04:00

So I am off to Panama and wanted to leave you with a parting image. My cute dog. Look how cute he is, wanting that treat that i put between his eyes.... so evil. I will try to post pics and stuff when i get back. Let's hope this relaxation helps. Until the 24th!

Show and Tell

2008-03-11T14:16:00.005-04:00

So I am having fun sharing art. My friend sends me links to artists that she likes and thinks I will like. I have decided to share these with you all, since i may not have much to say or too busy to say something. This is a Korean artist, Yeondoo Jung, that uses Children's drawings and recreates them as they would be in a real life setting. They are rather surreal and playful. It's the juxtaposition of images and the plane and lack of dimension that makes these feel child like. I find some work better than others, but all in all, I love the looks of them. I also enjoy her Bewitched series too. Very nice..... there easily could be one for everyone.